What to Do When There Is No Closure

Closure is important for many reasons and we all need it when something has come to an end. Take for instance when it’s our time to go. The purpose of funerals is to provide some sense of closure by coming to the realization that the person is physically no longer on this earth however painful it may be. This same concept applies to everything in life and this indeed affects your well-being.

When something has come to an end, whatever that may be, closure is a must. It is a must to have that final moment or words that will help you mentally and emotionally come to terms with what has occurred. Whether that is a breakup of a marriage,  boyfriend/girlfriend, friendship, job loss, etc. it is that closure that eventually helps you move on. Perhaps at the moment you may not be happy with the closure, even if one was provided to you, but eventually you will see the blessing that it was.

There are moments though where there is no closure and that for some can be painful. It can be painful when someone breaks up with you with no concrete explanation. It can be painful when anything abruptly ends without any warning or reason. What must one do then? The answer is you have to provide yourself with your own closure.

Closure helps one move on. Unfortunately not everyone will have either the maturity or the strength to provide you with a decent closure that you need. It is in these cases when it is a must for you to provide your own closure. How so? At first it is only normal to play and replay everything that happened in order to figure out what went wrong or what you could have done differently. I can tell you for personal experience that although it may help in some cases, in these kinds of cases where the other person didn’t provide any warning, it’s not even worth your energy trying to analyze what went wrong.

As human beings we are flawed by nature. Each and every one of us carries a luggage. Some luggage may be very heavy, others are light. It is nice if someone is carrying a light backpack, wouldn’t that be nice?! The luggage/backpack that I am referring to is issues, we all have them. The key is to not have such huge issues that terribly interferes with our well-being and to always be willing to work on them. With this in mind, remember that 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. I will repeat this, 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. People respond, live and behave according to what they are thinking and how they view themselves. What others have to say about you, what they do and how they respond to certain things is none of your business.

With this said, there will be those who will behave and react in ways that we will never comprehend. As long as you know you have been honest, loving, caring, and all the positive things with the other person, if for whatever reason the other person behaves in a way that makes you feel hurt, know that those who don’t belong in your life have to leave your life. Anyone who doesn’t value you as a person, value your friendship, value what you have to offer, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. Let me repeat, you are so lucky! It is a must for your well-being to stop allowing the lack of closure from others, their lack of vision, for lack of a better word to mean that they can’t see your value, and their behavior to hurt you to such a degree that a piece of you gets chipped.

Bless anyone who leaves your life, it’s your blessing not a curse! Feel grateful for anyone who does you wrong, they taught you a lesson and you know who they are and where they belong which is out of your life! Feel lucky for anyone who can’t see your value, they are already telling you they are not meant to be of any service in your life! Provide your own closure by knowing that you are the winner in any “misfortune”. Provide your own closure by knowing that you did good to the other person so your karma is good. Provide your own closure by knowing your value. It is a must for your well-being.

Closure is an essential part to one’s well-being because it confirms to us that something has ended. However, when closure is not provided to you or when the closure isn’t satisfying to you, it is a must that you provide yourself with your own closure by knowing your value, by knowing that you are ALWAYS the winner whenever anyone lets you go or whenever any door closes. Thank God for those who let you go and for those closed doors, they are leaving space for the right people and things to come your way.

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El balance en dar

Sé que los demás pueden añadir tremendamente a nuestra vida. Es así porque somos seres sociales y como seres sociales, tenemos la necesidad de amar a los demás y de ser amado. Para poder vivir una vida mucho más significativa, es esencial el dar, no sólo recibir. Cuando uno oye el verbo “dar”, fácilmente se puede interpretar como el dar a los demás, sin embargo, hay dos tipos de dar que me gustaría escribir hoy.

El primer tipo de dar es cuando uno da a los demás y el segundo es cuando uno da a uno mismo. Es el balance entre los dos que es la clave del tener una vida realmente significativa.

Fuimos creado para compartir con los demás- el compartir quienes somos, lo que sabemos, cómo nos sentimos, lo que tenemos, el amor que tenemos para dar, etc. El tener todo esto para uno mismo no sólo es egoísta, sino también nos deja sintiendo un vacío y esto es porque al final del día y hasta las últimas horas de nuestra vida, son las relaciones que uno tiene y la calidad de esas relaciones los que van a importar más para uno.

Da satisfación y hasta un cierto punto nos da la sensación de sentirnos completo cuando uno da a los demás. Al compartir, usted deja una parte de usted mismo con esas personas y le añade a la vida de ellos. El compartir nos hace sentir que pertenecemos.  Una cosa que usted tiene que tener en mente cuando comparte con los demás es que es importante compartir las cosas correctas con las personas adecuadas. Con esto quiero decir que cuando usted comparte sus posesiones más valiosas- esas cosas son su cuerpo, su corazón, su mente y sus emociones- es importante compartirlos con las personas quienes realmente lo quieren. La parte en donde me refiero del cuerpo va más para cuando uno está en una relación romántica. Su corazón, su mente y sus emociones incluyen no sólo las relaciones románticas sino también para las amistades. Una cosa que usted aprenderá si aún no lo ha aprendido todavía es que no todas las personas serán merecedores de sus posesiones más valiosas. Cuando usted comparte esto con aquellos quienes no ven su valor, es ahí en donde usted puede sentir un vacío por dentro. Es el compartirlos con las personas adecuadas lo que lo dejará sintiendose bien y con llenura.

Asi de importante que es el dar a los demás, es igualmente importante el dar a uno mismo primero. Usted no puede servir de un vaso vacío y esto también aplica con usted mismo. Usted no puede dar a los demás cuando usted no se da a si mismo. Primero dese a si mismo en abundancia- comparte con usted mismo el amor, respeto, la bondad, lo bueno, lo mejor, la mejor comida, etc. Es en el usted darse a si mismo que usted tendrá más que suficiente para los demás. Usted va a estar llena de cosas buenas para dar. Una cosa que tengo que añadir es que usted da para que los demás le den a usted, esto es un GRANDE error. Este tipo de dar lo dejará sintiendo vacío porque primeramente, usted se está quitando de lo poco que tiene para dar a los demás. Segundo, ya que todos nosotros somos energía, los demás pueden captar cuando uno da para recibir. Los demás se dan cuenta cuando uno no se ama o cuando uno da por desesperanza. Entonces, el PRIMERO usted dar a si mismo es IMPORTANTE.

El balancear estos dos tipos de dar es importante y aunque hay gran satisfación en dar a los demás, usted no puede dar a los demás con sinceridad si usted primero no se da a si mismo.

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