The Ingredients For Healthy Relationships

I had a conversation a few days ago with a good friend of mine and we were talking about what makes a healthy relationship. It seems as though nowadays there is so much confusion about how one needs to be, how to properly communicate and there is so many question marks on people’s mind and all this is so unnecessary. So today’s post will be about the ingredients for healthy relationships because relationships do play an important role on our well-being.

You need healthy relationships and this includes your relationship with your family and friends and in romantic relationships. All the ingredients discussed in this post apply to all kinds of relationships.

First ingredient is maturity. It takes maturity to have a healthy relationship. Before I write what I mean with “maturity”, I will first write what teenagers do that adults should be way passed that stage. Teenagers or people who are not mature enough just text important discussions. This is a big no no because so much can be misunderstood through texts. Texting important discussions is a way to avoid what is going on and only teenagers or immature people do that. Mature people have either face to face or over the phone discussions. Why? Because it is important to confront situations head on in order to gain clarity and avoid hard feelings. Teenagers and immature people blame rather than understand their role in the situation. It takes maturity to admit that you too played a role in what happened in a situation and to take ownership for how the relationship goes. So what I mean with maturity is that one puts aside childish ways in order to be a grown adult. You can’t have healthy relationships with childish ways.

Second ingredient is communication. Healthy relationships require effective communication. This includes saying how one feels and listening to the other person. When I write “listen”, I don’t mean “hear”. Hearing is the mechanical aspect of what the ears do. Listening requires you to put aside what you are feeling and thinking and try to understand what the other person is saying so you can understand where they are coming from. It’s important to state clearly how you feel and what your intentions are. It’s important to be straight forward. It’s important as we get older to always make it a goal to be better in communication.

Third ingredient is honesty. Healthy relationships require that both parties are first and foremost honest with themselves and then with others. Honesty may not always be easy. It’s easy to want to lie to oneself for whatever the reason may be, either because of fear of the outcome, beliefs that we have told ourselves, etc. For two people to be on the same page, it is a must to first be honest with yourself and then with others. You deserve your own honesty and others deserve your honesty as well. Many friendships and relationships are severed because of this.

Fourth ingredient is confrontation. Healthy relationships confront with one another. It is unfortunate that the word “confrontation” has such a negative connotation but the reality is that how are two people supposed to be on the same page if they don’t confront?! Confrontation simply means two or more people coming together to discuss something. This requires maturity which is why I listed maturity as the first ingredient.

I’m sure there are more things that are required in order to have healthy relationships but for the sake of this blog, I am only including four of the ingredients that I consider to be the main ingredients for a healthy relationship.

If there is any relationship that you care about that you feel is not as healthy as you need it to be, I would like to encourage you to consider if any of these ingredients mentioned in today’s post is lacking and do your part to include this into that relationship. It takes all parties involved to make a healthy relationship, this means that this includes you.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

It’s Important to Grow Some Balls

In today’s post, I’m changing the meaning of growing balls. When reading “growing balls” one may think of courage but this is not what I’m referring to. “Growing balls” means to toughen up, to be an adult and to be mature.

I will start off this post by sharing that about a week ago, I just had to confront someone, and I have to admit it was not pretty, that just pissed off both someone else and I. This person who I will call Jane, had an attitude with us and just seemed off. At one point, I had enough of her that I had to call her off and I asked her in a tone that was not very nice “What is wrong with you?!”. Jane proceeded to continue to get on our nerves and then broke down with someone else and expressed how she was very sad because her boyfriend broke up with her. That person that she confided with came up to me and said how she is crying and is sad because her boyfriend broke up with her and I expressed how I didn’t give a damn what is going on with her. I stated how she needs to grow some freaking balls because it is no one’s fault that her boyfriend broke up with her. Now you can see where this title comes from.

The reason why I honestly didn’t care and had to express that she needs to grow some balls is because it is important to remember that EVERYONE, not just you, has a story, a baggage, a load that they are carrying. It is NOT other people’s fault what happens in your life and it is certainly not fair to take out on others the hurt that you feel. Little did Jane knew that on that same day it was a month since my dad’s passing and that the other person who she pissed off his father is very ill. Jane had no right having an attitude with us because if that’s the case, then I too have a “right” to have an attitude with others because my dad passed away. The other person too had a “right” to have an attitude with others because his dad is very ill. I hope you can understand why it is wrong to take out on others your frustration and sadness.

Doing so makes people become distant from you. I’m pretty sure it is not your intention to push people away but you do so if you take your frustration and sadness out on others. It makes others resentful of you and besides, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to be thought of as someone who is not nice to be around.

So what is the solution when you feel so much sadness, frustration or even anger? It is not the easiest solution but it is a must and it is to grow some balls. You need to toughen up in life because life is composed of many aspects that unfortunately includes things that we may not like. Break ups are hard but everyone has gone through some heart break. Death is a part of life because it is the cycle of life. Illness is not easy but it is a must to be able to handle it in the best way possible. It is ok to feel sad, angry and frustrated- you are only human. But it is NOT ok to take out your frustration, anger or sadness on others.

Part of being an adult is being mature. It is a must to not act out or lash out on others. It is a must to take things as being a part of life. It is a must to try to look at the positive of things. It is a must to compartmentalize so that you don’t spill onto other areas of your life your frustration.

If the last two paragraphs don’t motivate you to grow some balls, at least remember that everyone has a baggage that they are carrying as well. Some people are better at hiding their heavy luggage than others and this may be the reason that you may not see the load that they are carrying. It is important to be empathetic because you never know other people’s story. I think if most of us could remember this, this could greatly add to our well-being.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.