Nothing Belongs to You

“What in the world Aura?! Nothing belongs to me?! What kind of a post is this when it comes to my well-being?!” you may wonder. Well, in today’s post, I want to give you a perspective that can make you stronger and even a healthier person because indeed nothing belongs to you.

It’s sad to lose. It’s sad to lose a parent, a child, a spouse, a relationship, a job, anything, you name it. The reason why these things hurt is because of the meaning that they have for us or the meaning we have attached to it. However, if you can adopt the mindset and the knowing that nothing belongs to you, then nothing will hurt so much to the point of extreme pain.

One thing I want to clarify is that with this post, I am not encouraging coldness. I am not encouraging isolation nor lack of attachment to people or things. Belonging and relationships are what add meaning to our life. But it is the healthy belonging and healthy relationships what add meaning to our life. Unhealthy attachments to anything only leads to misery and lack of well-being.

Nothing belongs to you in the sense that nothing is truly your property- not a spouse, not a parent, not a job, not a child, nothing. Your true property is your body- your brain and your life. When you understand this with your mind and soul, letting go of things can be a bit easier. It is not easy to let go of things or people you care about, but when you can remember that nothing belongs to you, you know that things can go at any time.

Nothing belongs to you frees you from having to prove yourself to others. All you are supposed to be is your best self and when this is who you are, then those who are supposed to be in your life will be in your life. There needs to be a balance to things and although you are responsible, say for example, for the relationship that you have with your spouse, you can’t be something that you are not to please him or her. So this concept of “nothing belongs to you” frees you to just be yourself without any worries.

Nothing belongs to you makes you less attached which makes you less of a slave. That’s right! Strong attachments can make us a slave- a slave of hurt, a slave of the past, a slave of dependence, a slave to misery, etc. The best freedom to have is the freedom to be who you are truly meant to be which is a joyful, healthy person. In order to be this joyful, healthy person, you can’t have strong attachments to anything.

Nothing belongs to you frees you to happiness because it is then when your happiness isn’t dependent on someone else’s actions or lack of action, a situation, etc. When nothing belongs to you, all you care about is what you have control over which are your reaction to things, your emotions, your thoughts and your actions. That’s it.

The “nothing belongs to you” notion is a must to increase in well-being. This is not about being cold, not having any attachments or not caring. On the contrary, this is about having healthy attachments and about love- love towards yourself AND others. Yes, this is even about loving others because loving others is about freeing them to make their own choices even when we don’t like the choices they make. Loving others is about allowing others to be as they please even when it doesn’t please us. Loving others is also about losing them even when it hurts.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Balance Between Giving

I realize that other people can tremendously give meaning to our life. It does because we are social beings and as social beings, we have a need to love others and be loved. In order to live a much more meaningful life, it is essential to be a giver, not just a taker. When one hears the verb “giving”, it can easily be thought of as giving to others, however, there are two types of giving that I would like to discuss in today’s post.

The two types of giving is the one when you give to others and the second is the one when you give to yourself. It’s the balance between the two the key to having a truly meaningful life.

We are meant to share what we have- share who we are, what we know, how we feel, what we possess, the love we have, etc. Keeping all this to ourselves is not only selfish, it will also leave us feeling empty and this is because at the end of the day, even up to the final hours of our life, it is the relationships that we have and the quality of those relationships what will mean the most to us.

There is a sense of satisfaction and even completeness to a certain degree when we give to others. By sharing, we are leaving a part of ourselves with those people and we’re adding to their life. Sharing gives us a sense of belonging as well. The one thing to keep in mind when sharing with others is that it is important to share the right things with the right people. With this I mean that when you share your most valuable possessions- that being your body, your heart, your mind, your emotions- it is important to share them with people who care about you. The body part refers more to when you are in a romantic relationship. Your heart, mind and emotions go for both romantic partners and friendships. One thing you will learn if you haven’t learned already is that not everyone will be worthy of your most valuable possessions. When you share with those who can’t value these things, this is when it is easy to feel empty inside. It is the sharing them with the right people that will make you feel good and full.

Just as it is equally important to give to others, in order for you to give to others it is a must to first give to yourself. You can’t serve from an empty glass and this also is the same when it comes to you. You can’t give to others when you don’t give to yourself. First be very giving to yourself- share with yourself love, respect, kindness, goodness, the best stuff, the best food, etc. It is in the you giving to yourself that you will have more than enough for others. You will be overflowing with goodness for others. One thing I must add is that if you are giving to others so that others can give to you, that is a BIG mistake. This actual giving will leave you feeling empty because first of all, you are taking from the little that you have to give to others. Second, because we are all energy, people can sense when we give in order to receive. People can sense when we are not loving to ourselves or when we give out of desperateness. So giving to yourself FIRST is a MUST.

Balance between these two types of giving is a must because although there is great satisfaction in giving to others, you can’t truly give to others from the heart if you first don’t give to yourself.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-alm%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

 

There Is Value In the Missing

Perhaps many don’t want to miss things. We don’t want to really miss the one we love, we long for certain experiences or places, we long for certain feelings. However, believe it or not, there is is value in the missing and this is what today’s post is about and as you keep reading, you will notice how this ties to your well-being.

Missing something or someone provides important elements to your well-being, one of them being appreciation. We tend to appreciate what we don’t have or what we lack. This is why it is great to miss. Think about this for a moment, if you have the person that you love with you 24/7, overtime you end up taking that person for granted. This is why it is important to give each other space to miss each other because you will end up appreciating that person more.

Missing something or someone helps you see the value in certain things in your life. The reason for this is because what missing helps create is distance and it is that distance that helps you see things from another perspective. For instance, going to your job all the time without any time off can make you feel fed up with your job. However, you give yourself some distance away from it and you can appreciate all that your job provides for you that goes beyond the monetary and this is just one example of many.

Missing something or someone helps create balance and this is because as an Italian saying goes “too much is the same as too little”. It is this missing factor that helps balance the “too much” part. You need that distance apart from everything and everyone so that you can appreciate. You need to know how it feels like not to have that thing or person for a while for you to be grateful and happy once that thing or person comes back.

Well-being is about balance, appreciation, living fully and happiness. Missing something or someone seems to add these very things that we need by providing us with that space and distance that we need in order for us to truly appreciate what we have and have a different, healthy perspective in life.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1421808456&sr=1-1&keywords=Live+to+the+Max%E2%84%A2%2FViva+al+m%C3%A1ximo%E2%84%A2&pebp=1421808488 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

It’s Little By Little, Day By Day

What inspires me to write this is the fact that my family and I are grieving the passing of my father who passed away this past Friday, May 20th. We know it will take time to accept this fact, to find the conformity in how things happened and to accept that he is no longer with us physically. All that anyone can do in circumstances like this is to remind oneself that it’s little by little, day by day.

It’s little by little, day by day that you will start to accept the fact that whatever that is going on in your life is actually going on in your life. This is because it takes time to process things. It takes time to heal wounds. It takes time to understand things. It takes time to process one’s emotions.

It’s little by little, day by day that you will put the pieces together. When one grieves, of course physically you reflect what you feel and it takes a little at a time and day by day to get back to your old self again. It takes time to be able to find things with the same beauty as you once did. It takes time to understand that it is ok to feel what you feel at the moment that you feel it.

It’s little by little, day by day that you start to realize that the ending of something is just the beginning of something new. The end is never the end and even when a chapter ends, life must go on and so you must go on.

It’s little by little, day by day because nothing is done all at once. You don’t just grow from night to day, you don’t just heal one moment to the next, you don’t get over a grief so quick. It’s ok to grieve because in the grieving you are processing what is going on, you are letting out all that you feel, you are little by little putting your own pieces together in a way that only you can do for yourself.

There are different kinds of grieving and although I’m grieving my dad’s passing, one can grieve their marriage or anything that was so meaningful to them. Grief is grief and no matter what the grief is, it takes little by little, day by day.

 

Think About Something Else

Some of you may know that my family and I are going through a difficult moment with my dad’s health. Today I spent the day with my mom and had to convince her, literally force her, not to go to the hospital to see my dad since seeing the state in which my dad is in is too hard for her. This was my suggestion since she is every single day by his side without taking care of herself the way she should which is not healthy for her. During the day it was tempting to speak about my dad and I had to remind her to think about something else. I am happy to know that this helped and this is what I would like to encourage you to do in today’s post if you are going through a rough time.

Indeed it is very tempting to think about the very thing that makes you sad, however, this is not beneficial for you in any way. Constantly thinking about what hurts you or makes you sad will make you spiral down, hurting your well-being in every way. In the end, you are of no good to yourself nor to others.

Thinking about something else isn’t about making believe that the problem or what hurts you isn’t there. Instead, it is about restoring your mental and emotional sanity so that you don’t start heading towards the negative path. And what is that negative path? It’s the negative path of feeling depressed, of being mentally clouded, feeling hopelessness, thinking and feeling that things are coming to an end, etc. These are path of destruction which leads you to a dead end street. It doesn’t serve you. In life, in order for you to solve problems and get things done you need strength and clarity and being on the negative path robs you of both these things.

How can you think about something else? Either listen to a music that makes you feel really good, talk to a really good friend that you trust, read the bible if that helps you, meditate, watch a funny movie, anything that works for you. Do your best to avoid talking about the topic that hurts you. Do your best not to look at things that reminds you of what hurts you. Again, this is not about you making believe that the problem or what hurts you isn’t there, this is about restoring your mental and emotional sanity. Wherever your mind goes, the emotions follow and wherever the emotions go, the body follows. You want to avoid creating a negative domino effect that takes a long time to repair. Also remember that the way you live your life affects others as well so take that into consideration when you feel really sad.

It is only normal to go through a rough time every so often in life. That’s because it’s life. What is important is how you deal with the rough times and one good way is to remind yourself every so often to think about something else. Doing so will help preserve your mental and emotional sanity, contributing to more well-being not just for yourself but for others as well.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

It’s Still a Privilege!

This post that I am writing today is one that I write with pain and with so much mixed feelings and I hope this message can make you cherish more certain things if you still have them in your life.

There are things in life that we either take for granted, challenges that we may not like to face, things that we wish we weren’t going through, people who will get us on our nerves and on and on the lists goes. It doesn’t matter how hard the challenge may be, how difficult of a time you may be having, how much someone may get you on your nerves…it’s still a privilege.

That loved that you have by your side that may be getting you on your nerves now, it’s still a privilege that you have them in your life. Remember that someday they may not be there. This difficult time that you may be having, it’s still a privilege because there are lessons to be learned from that experience. That pain that you may be feeling at the moment it’s still a privilege because it makes you see how human you are.

Whenever you feel a heaviness, whenever you feel exhausted and tired of whatever situation that you are facing, please know that life is always changing so that moment that you have, no matter how difficult it may be, it is still a privilege that you are going through it. Life is extremely short and every moment is to be enjoyed. Enjoy that loved one even if they get you on your nerves! Always remind those who you love that you love them! No matter how difficult a moment may be, do your best to embrace that moment! Every moment, even the difficult ones, is to be cherished.

Today’s post I want to dedicate to my dad. It’s still a privilege to be able to fight for you, to be able to struggle with you, to be able to have those sleepless nights just to be by your side whenever you are at a new facility, whenever you feel lonely and need some company. It’s still a privilege although it’s a hard task but because you are a fighter, I am a fighter and even though there are times where it feels like it’s too much, I would still continue fighting along side you. For all those moments that we had to fight along side you that we know we won’t get back, we will still treasure those moments and we thank you so much for all that you are giving to us. We love you and will love you always!

To all of you, please remember that no matter what….it’s still a privilege.