Why Selfishness Is Necessary

Like anything in life, everything can be good or bad, it all depends on the context in which it is in and the degree in which it is used. In today’s blog post, I would like to discuss something that perhaps for some it may seem as if I’m promoting something that is narcissistic but on the contrary, it is one key ingredient for your overall well-being.

Flight Attendants instruct passenger during the safety video to first adjust their mask before helping others. This is because how in the world can you help someone else if you first don’t help yourself? It’s impossible to help someone else if you first are not helping yourself. It is impossible to serve others when you don’t serve yourself first.

You can only give what you have. So if you want to give the best of you, you have to give the best to yourself. To do this, you need to have some degree of selfishness. The kind of selfishness that I am referring to is not the one where you only think of yourself and no one else. The one that I am referring to is the one where you think of your well-being first. It’s the kind of selfishness where you think of what makes you happy first. It’s the one where you have healthy boundaries for yourself and for others. Yes, even you need healthy boundaries for yourself! This is because many times we can be our own worst enemies.

Being selfish allows you to fill your cup first. You can’t serve from an empty jar, same thing if you are empty yourself. You have nothing to offer to others and so to serve others you need to serve yourself. This is what will allow you to give to others because you have in abundance.

Being selfish allows you to take care of yourself first by meeting your own needs. When you meet your needs, you are good. You feel taken care of. You feel great. You feel loved. Feeling loved, full and taken care of is so basic to your overall well-being. As adults, it’s important to remember that it is us who are responsible for our well-being. When we take care of our own responsibilities, this is when we will be able to be better versions of ourselves.

Being selfish allows you the space to think of yourself first. In today’s world, we are wrongly taught that thinking only of ourselves is bad. We were not designed to be of service for others at the cost of our well-being. No! Yes, it’s important to serve others as long as it is not hurting our well-being. For this, we need that space to think of ourselves first. It is from this position that you will be of greater service to others because there won’t be any resentment or hurt feelings in the long run.

So being selfish doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can actually be a beautiful thing but it depends on your perspective of it. If you find yourself thinking and feeling that being selfish is wrong, think about whether not being selfish is hurting you in any way. If it is, then I encourage you to reconsider your thoughts on being selfish.  This one change in perspective can make a tremendous difference in your overall well-being.

I would like to invite you to take the FREE course I created called The Path to Your Nirvana™, which is a 28 day course with 5 steps meant to help you live your own happiness by understanding first what is getting in the way of you being on your own path of happiness, how to overcome it, learning to understand your actions and focus and getting you to the path that your true essence has in store for you. There is a free bonus course with this course so it’s something for you to take advantage of. All you have to do is click on the link https://bit.ly/2uDS9Oo, put your name and email address.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez. I now have a YouTube channel which I will ask that you subscribe for more tips to increase your well-being https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLZANKeRUFM4YvMXy4HzQrg.

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Not Loving Yourself Is Expensive

Since we are in the month of love, I would like to write about how expensive it is to not love yourself.

I can tell you from personal experience that it has cost me a lot to not love myself in the past. It has cost me my peace, my self-esteem, my value, among other things. What many of us sometimes fail to realize is that loving ourselves is crucial to that foundation of well-being.

Not loving yourself costs you your peace in the sense that when you don’t love yourself, you will most likely settle for situations that rob you of your peace. You will choose things that are not in alignment with who you truly are. You will choose things, situations and people that only feed the negative feelings you may have about yourself and your life.

Not loving yourself makes you blind as to your own blind spots. It doesn’t allow you to see the role that you are playing in your own life and what is contributing to the negative things in your life. It can make you prone to becoming a victim to situations that you perhaps create for yourself. It doesn’t allow you to look within for self-empowerment.

Not loving yourself hurts and eats away your self-esteem. It makes you choose relationships that are far below from what you deserve. It makes you remain in situations that you need to leave and tolerate things that one must never tolerate. It also makes you attract things that are in the same vibrational energy as you are in- meaning that if you don’t feel highly about yourself, you will attract others that feel the same way. You can always tell when this is the case based on how a person treats you, speaks to you, and makes you feel.

Not loving yourself diminishes your value. What adds value to you is you. You are the one who determines your worth and how others will treat you. You do play a role in how others will perceive you. When you don’t love yourself, this is when you mistakenly believe that you are not worthy of genuine love, of kindness and respect. Because you can’t see your own value, you hinder others from seeing your value as well.

Not loving yourself can lead to feelings of depression, unworthiness, anxiety, among other things. Life is not about this. You were designed to feel loved, to be loved, to feel happiness, to live in your knowing of your value and to grow into a healthy, fulfilled individual. However, none of this can be accomplished without loving yourself.

As you can read, not loving yourself is very expensive and not worth paying that big of a price. Anything that contributes to you not loving yourself, please get rid of it. Anything that doesn’t make you feel loved, appreciated and accepted are not worth your time nor energy. Start placing more value in yourself. Start seeing your beauty. Start seeing what makes you unique and wonderful and you will be at the start of loving yourself and if you do already, you will be loving yourself even more.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez. I now have a YouTube channel which I will ask that you subscribe for more tips to increase your well-being https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLZANKeRUFM4YvMXy4HzQrg.


The Balance Between Giving

I realize that other people can tremendously give meaning to our life. It does because we are social beings and as social beings, we have a need to love others and be loved. In order to live a much more meaningful life, it is essential to be a giver, not just a taker. When one hears the verb “giving”, it can easily be thought of as giving to others, however, there are two types of giving that I would like to discuss in today’s post.

The two types of giving is the one when you give to others and the second is the one when you give to yourself. It’s the balance between the two the key to having a truly meaningful life.

We are meant to share what we have- share who we are, what we know, how we feel, what we possess, the love we have, etc. Keeping all this to ourselves is not only selfish, it will also leave us feeling empty and this is because at the end of the day, even up to the final hours of our life, it is the relationships that we have and the quality of those relationships what will mean the most to us.

There is a sense of satisfaction and even completeness to a certain degree when we give to others. By sharing, we are leaving a part of ourselves with those people and we’re adding to their life. Sharing gives us a sense of belonging as well. The one thing to keep in mind when sharing with others is that it is important to share the right things with the right people. With this I mean that when you share your most valuable possessions- that being your body, your heart, your mind, your emotions- it is important to share them with people who care about you. The body part refers more to when you are in a romantic relationship. Your heart, mind and emotions go for both romantic partners and friendships. One thing you will learn if you haven’t learned already is that not everyone will be worthy of your most valuable possessions. When you share with those who can’t value these things, this is when it is easy to feel empty inside. It is the sharing them with the right people that will make you feel good and full.

Just as it is equally important to give to others, in order for you to give to others it is a must to first give to yourself. You can’t serve from an empty glass and this also is the same when it comes to you. You can’t give to others when you don’t give to yourself. First be very giving to yourself- share with yourself love, respect, kindness, goodness, the best stuff, the best food, etc. It is in the you giving to yourself that you will have more than enough for others. You will be overflowing with goodness for others. One thing I must add is that if you are giving to others so that others can give to you, that is a BIG mistake. This actual giving will leave you feeling empty because first of all, you are taking from the little that you have to give to others. Second, because we are all energy, people can sense when we give in order to receive. People can sense when we are not loving to ourselves or when we give out of desperateness. So giving to yourself FIRST is a MUST.

Balance between these two types of giving is a must because although there is great satisfaction in giving to others, you can’t truly give to others from the heart if you first don’t give to yourself.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-alm%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.


Get Right Back To It!

Today’s post has a lot of meaning to me and I hope it does for you too, which I’m sure for many it will, and this is because have you ever had a moment where you give up on something, you stop doing something that you once enjoyed for whatever reason, or you lost track of something because there is just too much going on in life?! I bet many of you have and so have I but no matter what is going on or how busy you get with life’s stuff, with regards to all the things you love and want, just get right back to it!

I came to the conclusion in the past week up until now that there will never be a perfect time to do anything. That is because there is never a perfect time. The perfect time to do the things that you want and love is now. When you wait for the perfect time, I’m not referring to the right time, but the perfect time, what happens is that there will be another excuse for not being able to do the things that you want to do. So that project that you put aside, get right back to it! That plan that you had to build something for yourself, get right back to it! That dream vacation you wanted, get right back to it!

There are certain projects that sometimes are put aside and because one may have spent so much time putting it off or time away from that project, it is tempting to just give up altogether. So what if that project you just did it half way?! That’s no reason to let go of that project for good, just get right back to it! You were trying to lose weight and you lost some but then you stopped, get right back to it! You were half way to getting your college degree but then you stopped, get right back to it!

What in the world does this phrase has anything to do with your overall well-being?! It has so much to do with your well-being! Part of your well-being is your happiness and part of what contributes to that happiness is achieving what you set your mind and heart to achieve. It is so tempting to stop when you are half way doing something, it is so tempting to give up because you haven’t achieved your goal yet or when you stopped doing something and this is one phrase that I think we all need to incorporate to remind ourselves to never give up no matter what the circumstances may be. Life will always happen and there will always be a time where we may stop doing what we are doing temporarily but then it is a must to get right back to it. No matter what it is that you were doing, if you want it and love it, get right back to it!

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.


Look For Life’s Wink

I believe it was a couple of years ago that I had a conversation with a great friend of mine and in the middle of some chaos that was going on, I shared with her the fact that something interesting and cool happened and she responded “You see, that’s God’s wink for you”. Today I received a beautiful compliment from a colleague blogger and I couldn’t help but think “That’s God’s/Life’s wink for me”. Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because there are times when you may feel like things are not going the way you want- you don’t have the love of your life, you don’t have the job that you want, you’re not making as much money as you would like, you don’t feel satisfied with life and despite whatever it is that is going on in your life, you have to look for Life’s wink for you.

I say “Life’s wink” because I want to respect everyone’s belief about life and because this blog is not about religion, I say in this post “Life’s wink” but you can replace it with whatever you want whether it be God or the Universe. And why am I talking about this topic and how can this help you with your life? Like I’ve said before in other posts, it’s too easy to focus on the things that aren’t working in life, however, there are STILL things that are working for you whether you realize it or not. Life has a way of showing you that despite everything that is going on, there is always a wink for you telling you things are still alright.

You don’t have a companion and someone gives you a beautiful compliment, it may not be your companion saying that to you but that’s Life’s wink for you that you are still beautiful/handsome. You are starting your own business and you receive compliments from others, that’s Life’s wink that you are on the right track. You are in the middle of so much chaos in your life and suddenly something so odd happens that makes you smile, that’s Life’s wink for you to still keep on looking up and smiling. It’s important to watch out for those winks.

Those are the winks that can help restore those feelings of feeling lost, of sadness and of hopelessness. Being happy is healthy, this is important for your well-being and so watching out for those winks will create a mind shift that will help you look for the positive in things. Be open to those winks and embrace them when they arrive. These winks that you may get may not seem like a big deal but they are because they can be little messages of light for you. If you are open to receive them, they can start making a difference in your mental and emotional state, thus leading to you having the life that you want and deserve because part of well-being and having that happiness that you long for is being able to still see the good. When you see the good, you then will feel good. What you think is how you feel. Your body follows your emotions, your emotions follow your mind so how you think and the way you perceive things affect the way you will feel overall. So with this said, it is in your best interest to look for Life’s wink.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can also listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

I dedicate this post to Maria F. since it was her who said that lovely phrase of “God’s wink”. Thank you so much for helping me see those winks.

What To Do With Setbacks

This past weekend I had what I called a setback. This is a setback that is spilling over to other areas of my life and I just kept wondering why. Why can’t I seem to be moving forward the way I want to? Why is it that things are not working or going the way I want them or need them to go? Why, why, why? I’m pretty sure most of you have had moments like this in your life as well and so I feel it is important to write about what to do with setbacks.

First let’s define what a setback is. A setback can be a difficulty you are encountering at the moment, a reversal in what you are doing meaning that instead of moving forward you are moving backwards or something that you feel or think is standing in your way. We all go through setbacks at some point in our life because there is value in every setback. I was tempted to say that we go through setbacks because that’s life but that is like saying that life is meant to have some difficulties and I don’t think that is it.

So with this said, then what can one do with setbacks? Because there is value to setbacks, (remember this one-value, this is key so remember this) this is an opportunity for growth. You can grow spiritually, mentally, physically and you can even learn something about yourself that you didn’t know before. One of the things that we should always feel encouraged to do is learn because learning is part of growth in every way. Setbacks can offer you the opportunity to strengthen a belief or a value that you perhaps didn’t believe to be true before. For instance, if you have a year that you get sick a lot, your physical state can be a setback because as a result of how you feel, there are things that you have to put on hold since the main concern is your health. However, this one setback can provide you with the knowledge not just in the mind but in the heart of how important your body is and how important it is the way you treat it. Because of this experience, you now fully understand the value of your body, the value in how you treat it because what you just went through hit home for you. Even seeing a relative getting sick can hit home for you how important it is to take care of yourself.

Setbacks can be an opportunity for you to see a side of yourself that perhaps had it not been for that setback, you would have never known that about yourself. An example of this could be perhaps you are being challenged to do something and in the process you learn that you need to be more patient or be more organized. There is always something about ourselves that we can learn that we don’t know yet. I am one to believe that there is so much to us and so much learning to do when it comes to ourselves.

Setbacks don’t have to be a problem nor an obstacle. It may feel that way in this present time but if you dig deep and pay close attention, you will find lessons hidden in that setback that can help enrich your life in so many ways than you can possibly imagine. It’s all in paying close attention and being willing to learn.

If you love this post, you will sure love my online radio show where I talk about topics that I have not discussed on this blog and don’t forget to follow the talks by clicking on the “Follow” button from your computer. It’s my hope that you live the life that you are meant to live. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez