Are You Failing Your Courses?

Have you ever noticed that you get the same experience over and over again, just with different people or even different circumstances? Sometimes these experiences are not even pleasant experiences. In situations like these, it is easy to believe that one may be cursed or just have bad luck or perhaps one is a magnet to those things. Have you ever considered that most likely this is occurring because you are actually failing your courses?

Yes, many times we fail many courses- the courses of life. You will forever be a student in the school called Life where every person you meet, every experience, every disappointment, every failure are your teachers. Many of them are great teachers, it’s just a matter of perspective.

I learned the hard way that indeed people do reflect the way we feel about ourselves. How so? Well, if you meet someone who mistreats you and you allow it, that person is teaching you that you need to learn to love yourself. The key phrase in the previous sentence is “you allow it”. This is because you don’t have to be a bad person for bad people to come into your life. Whether you have a good heart or not, you may encounter some people who are not nice, this is not a reflection of you at all. What DOES become a reflection of you is when you ALLOW them to treat you in a way you don’t deserve.

A bad experience can be a huge blessing and a preparation for bigger things that are yet to come. If an experience didn’t go the way you expected or hoped, you learning to see what went wrong and what you could have done different can help you understand what to do better the next time. When you think about what went wrong and what you could have done different, it is important that you do this without any judgement towards yourself. This is important because otherwise analyzing what went wrong and what you could have done differently can backfire you. It backfires you because you end up being hard on yourself.

A disappoint can be a real eye opener. It’s awful to go on in life with blindfolds on, not seeing what is in front of you. A disappointment prepares you for a bigger task and a bigger responsibility that may lie ahead. This is why disappointments can be true blessings.

A person you meet can teach you something you needed to learn or they can tell you something you needed to hear. Even someone that gets you on your nerves is teaching you something whether that be patience, how to mold yourself, teaching you to become more tough, etc. So learn to view even those you can’t stand as blessings because they too serve a purpose in your life. That is part of developing that mental and emotional agility that you need in life.

A failure shows you what went wrong and what to do differently next time. Failures are nothing to be ashamed of since they are a necessary component to life. Without it, you can’t learn to be humble, you don’t learn different ways of thinking or doing things and you just can’t grow as a person.

Once you learn a lesson, you will notice that life will test you to see if you passed the test. How do these tests look like? Well, the same situation will most likely come back again and that is the time to show what you have learned. Once you pass the test, you will notice that you won’t be repeating the same people nor scenario because you truly have learned your lesson.

You will always be given lessons and well, if you don’t learn the lesson right and pass the test, you will just be repeating the same course, over and over again with different people, different circumstances but the result is the same. So I encourage you to think about the following: what is one lesson that you are being pushed to learn? Are you meeting the same kinds of people over and over again? If so, what are you meant to learn? In what ways do you still have to grow? I guarantee you that if you master the lesson and pass the test, you won’t find yourself repeating courses.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

What to Do When There Is No Closure

Closure is important for many reasons and we all need it when something has come to an end. Take for instance when it’s our time to go. The purpose of funerals is to provide some sense of closure by coming to the realization that the person is physically no longer on this earth however painful it may be. This same concept applies to everything in life and this indeed affects your well-being.

When something has come to an end, whatever that may be, closure is a must. It is a must to have that final moment or words that will help you mentally and emotionally come to terms with what has occurred. Whether that is a breakup of a marriage,  boyfriend/girlfriend, friendship, job loss, etc. it is that closure that eventually helps you move on. Perhaps at the moment you may not be happy with the closure, even if one was provided to you, but eventually you will see the blessing that it was.

There are moments though where there is no closure and that for some can be painful. It can be painful when someone breaks up with you with no concrete explanation. It can be painful when anything abruptly ends without any warning or reason. What must one do then? The answer is you have to provide yourself with your own closure.

Closure helps one move on. Unfortunately not everyone will have either the maturity or the strength to provide you with a decent closure that you need. It is in these cases when it is a must for you to provide your own closure. How so? At first it is only normal to play and replay everything that happened in order to figure out what went wrong or what you could have done differently. I can tell you for personal experience that although it may help in some cases, in these kinds of cases where the other person didn’t provide any warning, it’s not even worth your energy trying to analyze what went wrong.

As human beings we are flawed by nature. Each and every one of us carries a luggage. Some luggage may be very heavy, others are light. It is nice if someone is carrying a light backpack, wouldn’t that be nice?! The luggage/backpack that I am referring to is issues, we all have them. The key is to not have such huge issues that terribly interferes with our well-being and to always be willing to work on them. With this in mind, remember that 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. I will repeat this, 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. People respond, live and behave according to what they are thinking and how they view themselves. What others have to say about you, what they do and how they respond to certain things is none of your business.

With this said, there will be those who will behave and react in ways that we will never comprehend. As long as you know you have been honest, loving, caring, and all the positive things with the other person, if for whatever reason the other person behaves in a way that makes you feel hurt, know that those who don’t belong in your life have to leave your life. Anyone who doesn’t value you as a person, value your friendship, value what you have to offer, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. Let me repeat, you are so lucky! It is a must for your well-being to stop allowing the lack of closure from others, their lack of vision, for lack of a better word to mean that they can’t see your value, and their behavior to hurt you to such a degree that a piece of you gets chipped.

Bless anyone who leaves your life, it’s your blessing not a curse! Feel grateful for anyone who does you wrong, they taught you a lesson and you know who they are and where they belong which is out of your life! Feel lucky for anyone who can’t see your value, they are already telling you they are not meant to be of any service in your life! Provide your own closure by knowing that you are the winner in any “misfortune”. Provide your own closure by knowing that you did good to the other person so your karma is good. Provide your own closure by knowing your value. It is a must for your well-being.

Closure is an essential part to one’s well-being because it confirms to us that something has ended. However, when closure is not provided to you or when the closure isn’t satisfying to you, it is a must that you provide yourself with your own closure by knowing your value, by knowing that you are ALWAYS the winner whenever anyone lets you go or whenever any door closes. Thank God for those who let you go and for those closed doors, they are leaving space for the right people and things to come your way.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Take Off the Blindfold!

Blindfolds are only good for sleeping, they are not good to be wearing as you are going about your day. You need clarity in life, you need transparency, you need to know where you are going- something that a blindfold prevents you from having.

The blindfold that I am referring is clearly not the actual blindfold that some may wear at night. The blindfold that I am referring to is the invisible one that we sometimes decide to wear. Yes, I dare to write that “we sometimes decide to wear” because at any moment, we can decide to see things for what they are.

First, I want to start of by discussing why one may decide to wear a blindfold. There may be several reasons but I believe the most basic and biggest one and I would dare say THE reason is the needs that one may have. Yes, needs can be a bitch. The need to feel loved, the need to feel accepted and the need to belong, those basic human needs can make us a slave willing to wear a blindfold. Needs when not met can make us very hungry and it is that hunger that drives us to wear that blindfold.

Blindfolds are horrible for everyday life because they don’t allow you to see where you are going. You make yourself vulnerable to tripping and falling which can lead you to hurting yourself so badly. Not knowing where you are going can make you feel vulnerable and not in a good way. Not knowing where you are going can lead you to make unwise decisions. Not knowing where you are going makes you allow anything that come your way and I can tell you from personal experience that not everything that comes your way may be for good. This is why it is important to know where you are going.

Blindfolds prevent you from seeing what is in front of you. Many times people hint us as to who they really are and what their intentions are but we decide to ignore them because we feel the need to belong or feel loved or be accepted. Because not everything that comes your way may be good, it is important to already know that you are love and are loved so that you can come from a place of clearly seeing who the person that is in front of you is and what their intentions are towards you. You don’t want to ignore red flags.

The best way to prevent wearing a blindfold is to understand what makes you wear one to begin with. It is only through understanding that you are able to know what triggers this. Remember that blindfolds are not good for you to wear when it comes to everyday life- they prevent you from seeing where you are going and what is in front of you.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Where Does Peace Start?

Peace, I would dare to say, is at the core of well-being. This is because without peace, you can’t be centered. Without peace, you can’t have balance. Without peace, you can’t make the right choices. Without peace, you make yourself vulnerable to feelings that can ruin any good in your life.

Peace is one of the pillars of well-being, so with this said, where does peace start? It starts with you first. Before peace can start in your home, before peace can start in any relationship, that peace needs to start first within you. This is because when you have peace within you, that is a peace that you carry with you no matter where you are, where you go, no matter any relationship you are in. When you have peace within you, that is something that you are able to take with you anywhere and you emanate everywhere.

Peace is not something that depends on others or something else although other people or things can contribute to that peace or can even try to take that peace away. Ultimately it is you who dictates whether or not that is something that you will have in your life. It is you who decides if you will let only things and people that contribute to that peace. This is because we are the ones who allow things and people into our life.

Where can one start to achieve peace? It starts with awareness. Awareness of the self is essential to one’s well-being. You achieve peace when you know who you truly are, when you understand what triggers certain emotions so that you can then steer yourself towards the direction in life that you want to take. It starts with understanding that it is you who create your life, it is you who decides what you will feel, it is you who decides whether you will let in goodness, that it is the relationship with yourself that matters most. It starts with working on any issues that you may have so that you can then be fully open to goodness. No one else can do this for you. No one else can do the work for you. No one else can give you the love that you can only give yourself. Yes, other people can contribute to that happiness, other people can add to your peace but no one can fully make you happy, no one can fully give you peace. That ultimately starts with you.

I would like to encourage you with today’s post to do only things that give you peace, to always strive to have peace within you and anything that takes away from that peace, rather than running away from it, try to find out what is it about it that takes your peace away. It is that self awareness the key to your happiness and peace that you need.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Are You Mentally Paralyzing Yourself?

I have always thought that the worse way to be paralyzed is to be paralyzed mentally. What made me come to this conclusion is that I would analyze how many who are physically challenged would rise up and do things that many would perhaps consider impossible and some who have no physical challenges seem to not achieve much or anything in life and I would ask myself “why is that?”. It is then that I realized that being mentally paralyzed is the worst and this is what I will be writing about in today’s post.

What does it mean to be mentally paralyzed? Being mentally paralyzed means that you mentally make yourself incapable of doing things. There are signs that one gives when they are mentally paralyzed and these are: the frequent use of “can’t”, “I would if I could”, “I don’t have skills/money/talent/connections, etc”, the doing many things at once and not finishing any of the things that are started, believing that you indeed can’t do something or can’t have something, among many other things that actually mask you paralyzing yourself. When you do this, you block all that you say that you want, all that you want to achieve AND you stop yourself from being who you truly are.

You may ask yourself, “who am I?!”. Well, I can certainly say that you are NOT your “can’ts”, your “I would if I could”, your lacks, etc. However, it is your constant focus on these things that makes you become the very thing that you don’t want to be! In order for you to become unstuck, you NEED to remove your blocks, you NEED to get out of your own way, you NEED to stop saying that you can’t do something or that you don’t have something. You can’t wait for something to change in order for you to change! YOU need to change in order for things to change! I know that this is easier said or written than done but it is much more fruitful to move yourself out of the way and this I can write for personal experience. For as long as you keep focusing on your lacks, for as long as you keep saying that you can’t, you won’t go anywhere and you have no one else to blame but yourself.

For your well-being, it is important to question whether or not you are mentally paralyzing yourself whenever you are in a situation that you don’t want to be. Many times we don’t have the life that we want because it is us who are hindering that from happening. It is important to access the way you are talking, assess the actions you are taking and then from there make changes. If you can remove yourself out of your own way, you will see yourself achieving that which you want to achieve.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

Yesterday I was asked the question how do I manage to still do all the things that I am doing when my dad’s passing is so recent. It is this question that inspires me to write this post.

When one is grieving, it is easy to let yourself go, to not do much, to not care for yourself, to cry all the time and think about all the times spent with the person that passed. It is only normal to feel all this and this feeling is more intense depending on how close you were with the person as well as how long have you known that person. Know that it is important to grieve because repressing this emotion just makes your process long and hard, perhaps even harder than it already is. There is no easy way to handle grief but I can share with you what I think about it and how I handle it.

It’s important to know that the person that passed is always with you, it’s just that they are now with you in a different form. Unfortunately, death is a normal process of life and accepting this is important. Even though I can’t see my father physically, I can still feel him and this in itself provides for me a certain comfort.

In order to handle grief in a way that doesn’t consume your everyday life, it is necessary to give yourself space to feel the grief. You do this by giving yourself what I like to call some “sad time”. What this means is that you give yourself space to feel your emotions, to cry if you have to and you feel this way for a certain amount of time. Once that time is up, you wipe your tears and move on with the day. I do this because it helps me feel better, that way I don’t keep in the sadness of my dad’s passing to myself. This also allows me to be present for work since I am not carrying with me that hurt to work. This is what giving yourself some “sad time” can do. When you deprive yourself of this, you bottle up what you feel and it is only a matter of time for it to spill over to other areas of your life. Also, by not putting a times up on your “sad time”, you allow that sadness to take momentum which then ruins your day. How does it ruin your day? Well, sadness paralyzes you. Sadness makes you lose your center and when that happens, you can’t think with clarity, you can’t make the right choices, etc. This is not what you want. Despite the sadness, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Give your emotions some space but not for too long.

I remember the promise that I made my dad and he asked me not to cry so much for him. I can understand why he said this to me and that’s because he wants his kids and wife to be strong. Sadness, when it is prolonged for too long, weakens you in every way. What keeps a household strong is the strength and I know that just like him, if I ever have kids of my own, I want to encourage my kids to be strong themselves long after I’m gone and I too would encourage them not to cry so much for me.

I know I honor my dad with my strength and courage to move on. I honor him by being the best version of me that I can be because I am an extension of him on this earth. You honor those who pass by your strength and courage to move on and being the best you that you can be. If it’s one of your parents that passed, you are an extension of them on this earth. Be the best extension of them. Make them proud of you. Honor the dreams that you told them you have for yourself. It is this knowing that I am an extension of him that gives me the courage to move on.

There is no easy way to handle grief and there are several stages of grief that unfortunately one must go through the stages. But just know that you honor that person with your strength and courage. Know that they want you to be strong. Know that they want you to be happy. Of course you will miss them, of course you will want to cry because you wish you had them one more time but know that they are always with you even in spirit.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store athttps://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Difference Between Deserving and Entitlement

Last week I wrote about the topic of deserving and I continued to explain how you are deserving of anything that you need and want. I wrote that when it comes to deserving, what really determines this is how you think and feel about what you deserve and this is closely tied to your self-concept and self-esteem. Because of this tie, this definitely has an effect on your overall well-being. However, there is a fine line and it is important to notice the fine line. This fine line is the feeling of entitlement which is the opposite from deserving and it comes from a different place than deserving does. Feeling a sense of entitlement is not beneficial at all to your well-being nor the well-being of others and this is what I will be writing today.

Deserving comes from a place of having a healthy and balanced self-esteem. It comes from knowing that you are a lovable person with so much to offer to this world and that being the unique human being that you are makes you valuable already. Entitlement comes from the ego, it comes from a place of insecurity, from a place of egotism and all this weakens you as a person. How so? There is no way you are in control of yourself when you are letting your ego rule you. I did a Google search on the definition of “entitlement” and I think this definition clues us in to the difference between deserving and entitlement. According to Google “entitlement” means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges and special treatment”. There is your clue-“privileges and special treatment“. You are deserving of good things but it is not healthy to think that you deserve special treatment in comparison to others.

How does feeling entitled hurt your well-being as well as others? Think about this, we are all inherently selfish. This isn’t necessarily bad, but we are that way. We always look at others for what we can get from them. This can be both good and bad, it all depends. Because of this fact, a person that feels entitled may act in ways that are not nice towards others, they may behave as if they are better than others and at the end of the day, who wants to be with someone like that?! This kind of thinking and behaving affects your social well-being.

In this world we are meant to help one another and grow each other. Being a person who feels entitled doesn’t allow you to give much to others because all you can think of is me, me, me. That can cloud you from your sense of purpose. That can prevent you from living a meaningful life because part of having a meaningful life is having a purposeful life. Also, a person who feels entitled doesn’t have much beautiful words to say to others. Even in the most minor way, you do have an effect on others. Why not make that effect a good one?

Entitlement can make you become intolerant of others. How so? Well, when you feel entitlement, because you are coming from a place of me, me, me, you don’t have the empathy to understand others. A perfect example of this is when someone who goes to the restaurant acting as if he/she is the only customer the waiter is serving. A person who feels entitled would be so impatient and even act mean towards the waiter if he/she feels they took long.

Deserving and entitlement….there is a fine line between the two because on the one hand you are deserving of great things in life but it is important to keep that deserving in check so that you don’t cross that line to entitlement. Never think of yourself as better or more deserving than others because that is not so. Other people are just as important as you are regardless of their economic status, of their physical condition, of the ethnicity, etc. If you somehow find yourself crossing that line, for your well-being as well as the well-being of others, get back to knowing that you are deserving and feel grateful for the blessings that you have.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.