Keep That Sparkle In Your Eyes

Life is meant for you to live it feeling good everyday. You are meant to be loved and feel loved. You are meant to give love. You are meant to share who you are with no shame or regret. You are meant to dream big with no shame nor limitation. However, there are moments in life where we may feel discouraged, full of regret because something didn’t come out the way we wanted, or we may feel rejected by something or someone. Life sometimes throws things in the way that may distract us, etc. When we allow these things to get in the way, this may limit us and rob us from having that sparkle in our eyes.

Keep that sparkle in your eyes even when something doesn’t come out the way you wanted it to be. Things happen the way they do because they are blessings in disguise. You must remember to thank God, the universe, life or whatever it is that you believe in that things happen the way they do. You may not understand why at the moment but you will in the future.

Keep that sparkle in your eyes even when someone “rejected” you. I had a conversation the other day about rejections and how when someone doesn’t feel something for you, even if you care about them so much, even if you are a good person, God or whatever it is that you believe in didn’t place that seed in them for your own good. They don’t feel for you the same way that you feel towards them because it wasn’t planted in them and only the higher being knows why and trust that in the end, it is YOU who is the winner. You are NOT the loser. You can’t imagine how many times I have been so grateful years later that something didn’t work out with the guy because in the end, they were so wrong for me in many ways and I thanked God that the guy saw it was wrong.

Keep that sparkle in your eyes even when you lose a loved one. This is a tough one and I truly understand this. Death, unfortunately, is a part of life but that doesn’t mean that the tie that you have with that person is totally lost. That person is still with you spiritually and can guide you in ways that they were not able to when they were alive. It is a must to remember that the best way to honor a lost loved one is by being the best version of yourself.

Keep that sparkle in your eyes even when there may be negativity around you. There are things you are learning that you may not even realize. There was a wonderful story I heard about three pots of boiling water. One had a carrot, the second had an egg and the third had tea. The carrot is hard and when placed in the boiling water, it gets soft and weak. The egg which is soft inside, when placed in the boiling water it gets hard inside. The tea which is just leaves inside, when placed in water it turns into an aromatic, flavorful drink. Which of the three do you want to be? When placed in situations of adversity, become like the tea, aromatic and flavorful as a result of it.

For your well-being, it is a must to keep that sparkle in your eyes. It is easy to become cynical or doubtful and hard on the inside but it doesn’t help you grow as a person. Don’t allow other people’s issues to become your issues. Don’t allow situations to turn you into someone you are not. Don’t allow “rejections” to become a reflection of who you are. None of these things have anything to do with you.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Interesting Concept of “Breadcrumbing”

I have been hearing and reading lately about the concept of breadcrumbing. For those who don’t know this concept, what this basically means is the act of a person just texting you without any commitment, no phone calls and not seeing each other in person just to keep you hanging. Now, this refers more to dating but when I think about this concept, I would dare to say this is also seen in other relationships that are not only romantic. We are starting to see this concept spill over to friendships as well. Because relationships are at the core of one’s well-being, I will be discussing how detrimental this is when you allow this into your life.

Relationships are necessary for our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health. Without healthy relationships- let me put some emphasis on “healthy” because this is key- you will literally die while living in the sense that it is love that nurtures us. Healthy love. Once again, the key word is “healthy”.

So what does a healthy relationship look like? Healthy relationships are corresponded, meaning that you both want each other in your life, you both want each other’s company, you both reciprocate affection and effort. Let me repeat, you both reciprocate effort. What I mean with “effort” is that you both take the time to see each other, hang out, get to know each other and hear from each other. When I write “relationships”, I am not referring just to romantic relationships, I include ALL relationships- family and friends as well.

How does a healthy relationship feel like? It feels peaceful, joyous, happy, exciting, comfortable and safe. With “safe” I mean that you feel you can be yourself with the person. If you ever feel like you need to walk on egg shells, you have to hide a certain side of you, uncomfortable or you are wondering whether the other person feels the same way as you, that is not healthy. It’s not healthy because anything that makes you wonder or feel like you can’t be yourself creates doubt within you. Those who belong in your life will NOT make you feel doubtful about yourself.

When you allow someone in your life who only wants to text you, not see you when they can, shows no effort to make you a part of their life, that can hurt your self-concept. It can make you feel unappreciated and unloved because all they are offering you are breadcrumbs.

Breadcrumbs are not healthy at all. They are void of nutrition, apart from the fact that they are not filling. So when someone is only texting you and not taking the time to see you and get to know you, you are missing nutrients such as love, appreciation, acceptance, feeling and being included in their life. All these are nutrients that we need in order to feel and be good. Remember that as human beings we have a need to be needed and loved.

You do NOT deserve breadcrumbs! You deserve and NEED the full meal with the appetizers, the entree, the dessert and all that comes with a healthy, fulfilling meal! Remember that! Breadcrumbs are NEVER satisfying. When all you are accepting are breadcrumbs, you seriously need to question how you feel about yourself. You need to question what do you want out of that other person. You need to ask yourself what do you need. If a “friend” is only offering breadcrumbs, consider that an acquaintance, not a friend. Friendships are like a healthy meal- they are full and satisfying. If you don’t feel that way, it’s time to do some clean up when it comes to your social well-being. If a date is doing that with you, get rid of that s&%$ and move on! What that person is offering you has nothing to do with your value and all to do with what that person can offer which is NOTHING.

Breadcrumbing….it’s important to understand this concept so that you can know when someone is doing this to you. This is something to avoid accepting if you truly want great well-being. Remember, healthy meals are filling. Breadcrumbs….they are not filling at all!

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

What to Do When There Is No Closure

Closure is important for many reasons and we all need it when something has come to an end. Take for instance when it’s our time to go. The purpose of funerals is to provide some sense of closure by coming to the realization that the person is physically no longer on this earth however painful it may be. This same concept applies to everything in life and this indeed affects your well-being.

When something has come to an end, whatever that may be, closure is a must. It is a must to have that final moment or words that will help you mentally and emotionally come to terms with what has occurred. Whether that is a breakup of a marriage,  boyfriend/girlfriend, friendship, job loss, etc. it is that closure that eventually helps you move on. Perhaps at the moment you may not be happy with the closure, even if one was provided to you, but eventually you will see the blessing that it was.

There are moments though where there is no closure and that for some can be painful. It can be painful when someone breaks up with you with no concrete explanation. It can be painful when anything abruptly ends without any warning or reason. What must one do then? The answer is you have to provide yourself with your own closure.

Closure helps one move on. Unfortunately not everyone will have either the maturity or the strength to provide you with a decent closure that you need. It is in these cases when it is a must for you to provide your own closure. How so? At first it is only normal to play and replay everything that happened in order to figure out what went wrong or what you could have done differently. I can tell you for personal experience that although it may help in some cases, in these kinds of cases where the other person didn’t provide any warning, it’s not even worth your energy trying to analyze what went wrong.

As human beings we are flawed by nature. Each and every one of us carries a luggage. Some luggage may be very heavy, others are light. It is nice if someone is carrying a light backpack, wouldn’t that be nice?! The luggage/backpack that I am referring to is issues, we all have them. The key is to not have such huge issues that terribly interferes with our well-being and to always be willing to work on them. With this in mind, remember that 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. I will repeat this, 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. People respond, live and behave according to what they are thinking and how they view themselves. What others have to say about you, what they do and how they respond to certain things is none of your business.

With this said, there will be those who will behave and react in ways that we will never comprehend. As long as you know you have been honest, loving, caring, and all the positive things with the other person, if for whatever reason the other person behaves in a way that makes you feel hurt, know that those who don’t belong in your life have to leave your life. Anyone who doesn’t value you as a person, value your friendship, value what you have to offer, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. Let me repeat, you are so lucky! It is a must for your well-being to stop allowing the lack of closure from others, their lack of vision, for lack of a better word to mean that they can’t see your value, and their behavior to hurt you to such a degree that a piece of you gets chipped.

Bless anyone who leaves your life, it’s your blessing not a curse! Feel grateful for anyone who does you wrong, they taught you a lesson and you know who they are and where they belong which is out of your life! Feel lucky for anyone who can’t see your value, they are already telling you they are not meant to be of any service in your life! Provide your own closure by knowing that you are the winner in any “misfortune”. Provide your own closure by knowing that you did good to the other person so your karma is good. Provide your own closure by knowing your value. It is a must for your well-being.

Closure is an essential part to one’s well-being because it confirms to us that something has ended. However, when closure is not provided to you or when the closure isn’t satisfying to you, it is a must that you provide yourself with your own closure by knowing your value, by knowing that you are ALWAYS the winner whenever anyone lets you go or whenever any door closes. Thank God for those who let you go and for those closed doors, they are leaving space for the right people and things to come your way.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Greatest Part of Endings

The ending is the beginning of something bigger and better. The ending is the closure of something that no longer serves you. There are things that come into your life just to serve a purpose. This includes opportunities and people. Sometimes we have the tendency to extend the life of something that no longer has a life. What I mean with this is that sometimes there are things and people that we hold on to that we need to let go because its purpose was already served. There are people and opportunities that are meant to be for a lifetime but trust that you will know the difference.

And what is that difference? When it comes to people, even during turbulent moments, you still are able to endure. No relationship is perfect and in every relationship there will be differences. It is not the turbulent moments nor the differences that define the quality of the relationships nor how long it will last- it is how those turbulent moments and differences are handled that marks the difference.

When it comes to opportunities, you will feel and it will be evident that its expiration date is arriving soon. Somehow things don’t flow or go right, there is one problem after another or somehow that opportunity may seem small for what you want or are yet to be.

Being able to recognize these things are so crucial to your well-being because this will help you avoid unnecessary suffering. When you are able to recognize whether someone is a person for a lifetime (and with this I also include friendships, not just romantic relationships) and when you’re able to recognize whether an opportunity is a lifetime one, suddenly the ending won’t feel like a loss, rather it will feel like a gain because in essence it is a gain. It is a gain because you’re moving forward. It is a gain because you’re growing. It is a gain because those things are moving out of the way to make way for other things that do belong in your life.

It is important for your well-being to know and remember that not everything that comes into your life are meant to be a lifetime and that’s ok. Remembering and knowing this will help alleviate some unnecessary sadness and suffering that can hinder you from seeing and receiving the goodness that are yet to come.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

What Does the Death of Anything Mean?

Death is a word that none of us want to hear, read nor say. Yet this is a reality of life since everything in life dies. I am not just referring when it comes to human beings, I’m referring to absolutely everything from seasons to even the job that you have. “Omg Aura, you are taking this overboard” you may be thinking. As a matter of fact, I’m just stating the facts of life and you will see how this relates to your well-being and how you can use this for your growth.

Death just means when something ends or ceases. Certain deaths causes sadness like when a loved one dies or even the end of a marriage. Believe it or not, even while you are on this earth you will have certain parts of you that will cease as well. This is just a natural and necessary cycle of life.

Why is this a natural and necessary cycle of life? Because without the cessation of things, there is no growth. Things need to change and end for there to be an evolution. A great example I can think of is when you become an adult. You have to put away/end your childish ways. You can’t be an adult with childish ways, that can’t happen because they both don’t go together. When you feel ready to go into another phase of your life, there is a part of you that is dying in order to make way for the new you to come out. So in essence, there are always things that are dying because they make room for other things to come into our life. When it comes to those that we love, when they pass that is a different kind of death and that is not the death that I am referring to in this post although that is what most people think of when they see or hear the word.

The death of anything in your life, (with the exception of loved ones because that is not what I am referring to in this post), doesn’t have to be the end of everything. It just means a new chapter of your book, a new phase in your life, a new you and growth. It’s all in how you want to view it and how you feel about it. Allow for the end of anything in your life to mature you and make you into a better person. Allow the end of something to be the beginning of great things. It is a must to remember that death is a natural process of life and a must in order to expand in well-being.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Real Definition of Strength and Being Strong

Many times we mistaken certain qualities of a person of strength and who is strong for weaknesses that I feel it is important to write about the real definition of strength and being strong just so we don’t get certain things confused.

There will be times in life when our strength will be tested and during times where we have every right to to feel the way we do, certain emotions and actions may be interpreted as weaknesses. I would first like to describe what a person who is strong and of strength is.

A person of strength is someone who shows courage despite the fear. It is someone who does what they can to handle the most difficult situation in the best way they can. This doesn’t mean that they don’t feel resistance with the challenge that is put on their path, not at all. It means that they accept the way they feel, they know they have the right to feel the way they do and they do their best to work through what they are going through. It is someone who does their best to see the positive in their situation. It is someone who puts their best foot forward. It is someone who doesn’t give up even when they feel like it.

A strong person is someone who is creative because they know that despite the circumstances, they have to make things work. It is someone that even when they are down, they still lift others up. It is someone who reaches out for help when they know they need it. It is someone who has the courage to cry when something prompts their tears to fall down their eyes.

As you can read, being strong doesn’t mean that you don’t feel pain, that you are always happy, that everything is going super well for you, that you are superman or superwoman or that your life is all well put together. Not at all! This is because life is not always well put together. That’s because there will always be something put on your path that will challenge you. That’s because you are only human and it is ok to feel sad once in a while when a situation does take you to that point. It is ok to feel pain when a loved one is sick or even passed. It is ok to love and then feel hurt when that love is not corresponded.

It is time that we start giving the real definition to what having strength and being strong mean because for your well-being it is a must to know that life happens, there will be things that will hurt you and there will be times where you will be challenged. There is nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it. That actually makes you a very strong person because it takes maturity to admit when one needs help. If there is any doubt in you as to whether or not you are strong due to circumstances in your life that are challenging, I hope this definition sheds some light to you and provides you with the comfort that you are still a strong person.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

Yesterday I was asked the question how do I manage to still do all the things that I am doing when my dad’s passing is so recent. It is this question that inspires me to write this post.

When one is grieving, it is easy to let yourself go, to not do much, to not care for yourself, to cry all the time and think about all the times spent with the person that passed. It is only normal to feel all this and this feeling is more intense depending on how close you were with the person as well as how long have you known that person. Know that it is important to grieve because repressing this emotion just makes your process long and hard, perhaps even harder than it already is. There is no easy way to handle grief but I can share with you what I think about it and how I handle it.

It’s important to know that the person that passed is always with you, it’s just that they are now with you in a different form. Unfortunately, death is a normal process of life and accepting this is important. Even though I can’t see my father physically, I can still feel him and this in itself provides for me a certain comfort.

In order to handle grief in a way that doesn’t consume your everyday life, it is necessary to give yourself space to feel the grief. You do this by giving yourself what I like to call some “sad time”. What this means is that you give yourself space to feel your emotions, to cry if you have to and you feel this way for a certain amount of time. Once that time is up, you wipe your tears and move on with the day. I do this because it helps me feel better, that way I don’t keep in the sadness of my dad’s passing to myself. This also allows me to be present for work since I am not carrying with me that hurt to work. This is what giving yourself some “sad time” can do. When you deprive yourself of this, you bottle up what you feel and it is only a matter of time for it to spill over to other areas of your life. Also, by not putting a times up on your “sad time”, you allow that sadness to take momentum which then ruins your day. How does it ruin your day? Well, sadness paralyzes you. Sadness makes you lose your center and when that happens, you can’t think with clarity, you can’t make the right choices, etc. This is not what you want. Despite the sadness, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Give your emotions some space but not for too long.

I remember the promise that I made my dad and he asked me not to cry so much for him. I can understand why he said this to me and that’s because he wants his kids and wife to be strong. Sadness, when it is prolonged for too long, weakens you in every way. What keeps a household strong is the strength and I know that just like him, if I ever have kids of my own, I want to encourage my kids to be strong themselves long after I’m gone and I too would encourage them not to cry so much for me.

I know I honor my dad with my strength and courage to move on. I honor him by being the best version of me that I can be because I am an extension of him on this earth. You honor those who pass by your strength and courage to move on and being the best you that you can be. If it’s one of your parents that passed, you are an extension of them on this earth. Be the best extension of them. Make them proud of you. Honor the dreams that you told them you have for yourself. It is this knowing that I am an extension of him that gives me the courage to move on.

There is no easy way to handle grief and there are several stages of grief that unfortunately one must go through the stages. But just know that you honor that person with your strength and courage. Know that they want you to be strong. Know that they want you to be happy. Of course you will miss them, of course you will want to cry because you wish you had them one more time but know that they are always with you even in spirit.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store athttps://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.