What to Do When There Is No Closure

Closure is important for many reasons and we all need it when something has come to an end. Take for instance when it’s our time to go. The purpose of funerals is to provide some sense of closure by coming to the realization that the person is physically no longer on this earth however painful it may be. This same concept applies to everything in life and this indeed affects your well-being.

When something has come to an end, whatever that may be, closure is a must. It is a must to have that final moment or words that will help you mentally and emotionally come to terms with what has occurred. Whether that is a breakup of a marriage,  boyfriend/girlfriend, friendship, job loss, etc. it is that closure that eventually helps you move on. Perhaps at the moment you may not be happy with the closure, even if one was provided to you, but eventually you will see the blessing that it was.

There are moments though where there is no closure and that for some can be painful. It can be painful when someone breaks up with you with no concrete explanation. It can be painful when anything abruptly ends without any warning or reason. What must one do then? The answer is you have to provide yourself with your own closure.

Closure helps one move on. Unfortunately not everyone will have either the maturity or the strength to provide you with a decent closure that you need. It is in these cases when it is a must for you to provide your own closure. How so? At first it is only normal to play and replay everything that happened in order to figure out what went wrong or what you could have done differently. I can tell you for personal experience that although it may help in some cases, in these kinds of cases where the other person didn’t provide any warning, it’s not even worth your energy trying to analyze what went wrong.

As human beings we are flawed by nature. Each and every one of us carries a luggage. Some luggage may be very heavy, others are light. It is nice if someone is carrying a light backpack, wouldn’t that be nice?! The luggage/backpack that I am referring to is issues, we all have them. The key is to not have such huge issues that terribly interferes with our well-being and to always be willing to work on them. With this in mind, remember that 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. I will repeat this, 95% of the things that other people do have nothing to do with you. People respond, live and behave according to what they are thinking and how they view themselves. What others have to say about you, what they do and how they respond to certain things is none of your business.

With this said, there will be those who will behave and react in ways that we will never comprehend. As long as you know you have been honest, loving, caring, and all the positive things with the other person, if for whatever reason the other person behaves in a way that makes you feel hurt, know that those who don’t belong in your life have to leave your life. Anyone who doesn’t value you as a person, value your friendship, value what you have to offer, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. Let me repeat, you are so lucky! It is a must for your well-being to stop allowing the lack of closure from others, their lack of vision, for lack of a better word to mean that they can’t see your value, and their behavior to hurt you to such a degree that a piece of you gets chipped.

Bless anyone who leaves your life, it’s your blessing not a curse! Feel grateful for anyone who does you wrong, they taught you a lesson and you know who they are and where they belong which is out of your life! Feel lucky for anyone who can’t see your value, they are already telling you they are not meant to be of any service in your life! Provide your own closure by knowing that you are the winner in any “misfortune”. Provide your own closure by knowing that you did good to the other person so your karma is good. Provide your own closure by knowing your value. It is a must for your well-being.

Closure is an essential part to one’s well-being because it confirms to us that something has ended. However, when closure is not provided to you or when the closure isn’t satisfying to you, it is a must that you provide yourself with your own closure by knowing your value, by knowing that you are ALWAYS the winner whenever anyone lets you go or whenever any door closes. Thank God for those who let you go and for those closed doors, they are leaving space for the right people and things to come your way.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

There Is Value In the Missing

Perhaps many don’t want to miss things. We don’t want to really miss the one we love, we long for certain experiences or places, we long for certain feelings. However, believe it or not, there is is value in the missing and this is what today’s post is about and as you keep reading, you will notice how this ties to your well-being.

Missing something or someone provides important elements to your well-being, one of them being appreciation. We tend to appreciate what we don’t have or what we lack. This is why it is great to miss. Think about this for a moment, if you have the person that you love with you 24/7, overtime you end up taking that person for granted. This is why it is important to give each other space to miss each other because you will end up appreciating that person more.

Missing something or someone helps you see the value in certain things in your life. The reason for this is because what missing helps create is distance and it is that distance that helps you see things from another perspective. For instance, going to your job all the time without any time off can make you feel fed up with your job. However, you give yourself some distance away from it and you can appreciate all that your job provides for you that goes beyond the monetary and this is just one example of many.

Missing something or someone helps create balance and this is because as an Italian saying goes “too much is the same as too little”. It is this missing factor that helps balance the “too much” part. You need that distance apart from everything and everyone so that you can appreciate. You need to know how it feels like not to have that thing or person for a while for you to be grateful and happy once that thing or person comes back.

Well-being is about balance, appreciation, living fully and happiness. Missing something or someone seems to add these very things that we need by providing us with that space and distance that we need in order for us to truly appreciate what we have and have a different, healthy perspective in life.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1421808456&sr=1-1&keywords=Live+to+the+Max%E2%84%A2%2FViva+al+m%C3%A1ximo%E2%84%A2&pebp=1421808488 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

Yesterday I was asked the question how do I manage to still do all the things that I am doing when my dad’s passing is so recent. It is this question that inspires me to write this post.

When one is grieving, it is easy to let yourself go, to not do much, to not care for yourself, to cry all the time and think about all the times spent with the person that passed. It is only normal to feel all this and this feeling is more intense depending on how close you were with the person as well as how long have you known that person. Know that it is important to grieve because repressing this emotion just makes your process long and hard, perhaps even harder than it already is. There is no easy way to handle grief but I can share with you what I think about it and how I handle it.

It’s important to know that the person that passed is always with you, it’s just that they are now with you in a different form. Unfortunately, death is a normal process of life and accepting this is important. Even though I can’t see my father physically, I can still feel him and this in itself provides for me a certain comfort.

In order to handle grief in a way that doesn’t consume your everyday life, it is necessary to give yourself space to feel the grief. You do this by giving yourself what I like to call some “sad time”. What this means is that you give yourself space to feel your emotions, to cry if you have to and you feel this way for a certain amount of time. Once that time is up, you wipe your tears and move on with the day. I do this because it helps me feel better, that way I don’t keep in the sadness of my dad’s passing to myself. This also allows me to be present for work since I am not carrying with me that hurt to work. This is what giving yourself some “sad time” can do. When you deprive yourself of this, you bottle up what you feel and it is only a matter of time for it to spill over to other areas of your life. Also, by not putting a times up on your “sad time”, you allow that sadness to take momentum which then ruins your day. How does it ruin your day? Well, sadness paralyzes you. Sadness makes you lose your center and when that happens, you can’t think with clarity, you can’t make the right choices, etc. This is not what you want. Despite the sadness, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Give your emotions some space but not for too long.

I remember the promise that I made my dad and he asked me not to cry so much for him. I can understand why he said this to me and that’s because he wants his kids and wife to be strong. Sadness, when it is prolonged for too long, weakens you in every way. What keeps a household strong is the strength and I know that just like him, if I ever have kids of my own, I want to encourage my kids to be strong themselves long after I’m gone and I too would encourage them not to cry so much for me.

I know I honor my dad with my strength and courage to move on. I honor him by being the best version of me that I can be because I am an extension of him on this earth. You honor those who pass by your strength and courage to move on and being the best you that you can be. If it’s one of your parents that passed, you are an extension of them on this earth. Be the best extension of them. Make them proud of you. Honor the dreams that you told them you have for yourself. It is this knowing that I am an extension of him that gives me the courage to move on.

There is no easy way to handle grief and there are several stages of grief that unfortunately one must go through the stages. But just know that you honor that person with your strength and courage. Know that they want you to be strong. Know that they want you to be happy. Of course you will miss them, of course you will want to cry because you wish you had them one more time but know that they are always with you even in spirit.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store athttps://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Secrets to Strength and Clarity

Strength and clarity- two key ingredients needed whenever one deals with very difficult times. Strength is needed because it is a must to be strong enough to not break apart but yet strong enough that at the same time you can still become a better person as a result of what you are going through rather than allowing your heart to harden as a result. You need clarity because it is during difficult times that one has to make very hard decisions and in order to make the right decisions, you need clarity.

With this said, what are the secrets to strength and clarity? The secrets are having a good mind, keeping your emotions in check, compartmentalizing and giving things space.

Having a good mind is extremely important. Without a good mind, you have the wrong perspective, you make bad decisions and everything in your life will reflect what is in your mind. This is because indeed everything starts in the mind. It is a must that you train your mind to be how you need it to be.

Keeping your emotions in check is a must because wherever your emotions go, your body will follow. When all you are feeling are negative emotions, you also make bad decisions and will have the wrong perspective, both not conducive to great well-being. When emotionally you are not right, you won’t want to choose the right foods to nourish your body. Eventually your physical body will suffer as well. We are emotional beings and as emotional beings, we make decisions based on our emotions. This is the very reason why you need to keep your emotions in check.

One thing to learn from men that I think should not be a man thing is compartmentalizing. Men have a fascinating way of separating things, events and emotions and this is a great survival tool. The reason for this is because by compartmentalizing, you don’t spill over other areas of your life the stress that one area of your life is causing you. Compartmentalizing basically is separating mentally and emotionally the different areas of your life. This is a challenge at first if you normally mesh every area of your life but it can be mastered.

It is important to give yourself space- space to feel your emotions, space to be there for yourself, space to tend to your needs, space away from the things that hurt you. The reason for this is to maintain your mental and emotional sanity. Space allows things to flow freely because when you allow things to flow freely, they have a way of getting better. For instance, when you give yourself space to grieve, you are letting that all out which will help you feel better. When instead you bottle your emotions in, it is only a matter of time for that to explode like a volcano. This is why space is very important.

Strength and clarity are two things that although are very important in difficult times it can be a challenge to have, trust me, I know. However, if you work on the ingredients needed to have both strength and clarity, you will surely have both.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

 

You Need to Make Room For Everything

I wrote a post last year about what does it mean to be a positive person and I wrote that being a positive person doesn’t mean that you are always happy and that you just ignore everything that is going on. What I didn’t mention is that truly positive people are the ones who make room in their life for everything, the good and the bad. Making room for everything is so beneficial for your overall well-being and this is what today’s post is about.

Depending on the kind of person that you are or depending on how you have managed to resolve any issues that were unresolved issues in the past, it may be easy to make room for the good things in life. The reason why I started the sentence with “depending on the kind of person that you are or depending on how you have managed to resolve any issues that were unresolved issues in the past” is because believe it or not, there are those who don’t make enough room for the good things in life and this is not healthy. When this is the case, this may indicate that you have a fear of success which needs to be addressed as soon as possible since this is a hindrance to your happiness and well-being.

Likewise, you need to make room for the “bad” stuff as well. What do I mean with this? Whenever you feel sad or angry, make room for these feelings. Don’t hide them nor deny them. Allow yourself room to feel this way, what you can’t do is sit with this feeling for too long. You need to make room for the “bad” stuff because when you don’t, it just boils inside you like a volcano and it’s just a matter of time for that volcano to erupt. Instead, when you make room for this, you are releasing these energies in a healthy way by tending to them, by paying attention to them, by understanding them. I’ve wrote this before and I will write it again, there is power in understanding your feelings. There is also power in making room for these feelings.

How do you make room for everything? When it comes to the “bad” stuff, (and I write “bad” in quotation marks because these things don’t necessarily need to be bad), make some time to feel these emotions. So if you’re feeling sad, set some time to feel that sadness. Cry if you have to but once that time is up, that’s it. That way you can release those emotions rather than hang on to them. Understand those emotions. Emotions provide feedback as to where you currently are in your life, what you need and what you should be doing. After you understand your emotions then do something about what you are feeling. Whatever it is that makes you feel that “negative” emotion, then it’s best to stop doing it. Do things instead that will make you happy. Pay attention to the feedback and act accordingly.

Make also room for the good stuff. Make sure you get your daily dose of happiness. You need to make room for all the good stuff in life. After all, you deserve the good stuff. Make sure you do things that makes your soul beam with joy. Make sure you surround yourself with love and loving people. Make sure you allow yourself to be successful in love, in money, in everything. There are times that we don’t realize that we hinder these things from us.

Part of well-being is also making room for everything in life. It is the making room for everything that allows us to learn and grow from our experiences and makes us appreciate certain things better. It also allows us to have a better understanding of ourselves and others.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.