The Ingredients For Healthy Relationships

I had a conversation a few days ago with a good friend of mine and we were talking about what makes a healthy relationship. It seems as though nowadays there is so much confusion about how one needs to be, how to properly communicate and there is so many question marks on people’s mind and all this is so unnecessary. So today’s post will be about the ingredients for healthy relationships because relationships do play an important role on our well-being.

You need healthy relationships and this includes your relationship with your family and friends and in romantic relationships. All the ingredients discussed in this post apply to all kinds of relationships.

First ingredient is maturity. It takes maturity to have a healthy relationship. Before I write what I mean with “maturity”, I will first write what teenagers do that adults should be way passed that stage. Teenagers or people who are not mature enough just text important discussions. This is a big no no because so much can be misunderstood through texts. Texting important discussions is a way to avoid what is going on and only teenagers or immature people do that. Mature people have either face to face or over the phone discussions. Why? Because it is important to confront situations head on in order to gain clarity and avoid hard feelings. Teenagers and immature people blame rather than understand their role in the situation. It takes maturity to admit that you too played a role in what happened in a situation and to take ownership for how the relationship goes. So what I mean with maturity is that one puts aside childish ways in order to be a grown adult. You can’t have healthy relationships with childish ways.

Second ingredient is communication. Healthy relationships require effective communication. This includes saying how one feels and listening to the other person. When I write “listen”, I don’t mean “hear”. Hearing is the mechanical aspect of what the ears do. Listening requires you to put aside what you are feeling and thinking and try to understand what the other person is saying so you can understand where they are coming from. It’s important to state clearly how you feel and what your intentions are. It’s important to be straight forward. It’s important as we get older to always make it a goal to be better in communication.

Third ingredient is honesty. Healthy relationships require that both parties are first and foremost honest with themselves and then with others. Honesty may not always be easy. It’s easy to want to lie to oneself for whatever the reason may be, either because of fear of the outcome, beliefs that we have told ourselves, etc. For two people to be on the same page, it is a must to first be honest with yourself and then with others. You deserve your own honesty and others deserve your honesty as well. Many friendships and relationships are severed because of this.

Fourth ingredient is confrontation. Healthy relationships confront with one another. It is unfortunate that the word “confrontation” has such a negative connotation but the reality is that how are two people supposed to be on the same page if they don’t confront?! Confrontation simply means two or more people coming together to discuss something. This requires maturity which is why I listed maturity as the first ingredient.

I’m sure there are more things that are required in order to have healthy relationships but for the sake of this blog, I am only including four of the ingredients that I consider to be the main ingredients for a healthy relationship.

If there is any relationship that you care about that you feel is not as healthy as you need it to be, I would like to encourage you to consider if any of these ingredients mentioned in today’s post is lacking and do your part to include this into that relationship. It takes all parties involved to make a healthy relationship, this means that this includes you.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Are You a Liability to Yourself?

Many times we don’t have the life that we want, we don’t feel as great as we are capable of feeling and we don’t reach our fullest potential not because we are not deserving of all the things that we want but because we are our own liability.

The meaning of liability is something that can cause a disadvantage. So with this said, when you are your own liability, you put yourself in a disadvantage in the sense that you yourself cause your own misfortunes, your own failures, your disappointments, etc.

You are probably wondering “how so?”. Well, there are many ways to be your own liability. You can do this through your own beliefs. If you deep down inside don’t believe you are worthy, don’t think you are enough, don’t think that you are capable, these beliefs hinder you of the very thing that you want. This is something to be dealt with ASAP since not dealing with one’s own beliefs can keep recreating what it is that you don’t want.

You do this through your thoughts, whether these are thoughts about yourself or thoughts about your life. This can kind of be related to your beliefs but with thoughts, think about what it is that you think on a daily basis. Your thoughts do influence your emotions.

You can be your own liability by the things that you allow in your life. What kind of messages are you allowing in? What kind of relationships are you allowing in your life? What kind of environments are you choosing to be a part of? What kind of labels are you allowing? You can truly become what you allow.

What kind of shape are you emotionally? We are driven by our emotions. We make decisions based on our emotions. When emotionally we are not right, we won’t have the capacity to make decisions with clarity. When emotionally we are not right, we open the doors to bad things to come into our life.

When you come to the realization that you are your own liability, it is a must to get help. Sometimes it is hard to do this on our own and that is when it is a must to reach out to someone who can help. This is for your own good as well as the good of your own well-being.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Difference Between Deserving and Entitlement

Last week I wrote about the topic of deserving and I continued to explain how you are deserving of anything that you need and want. I wrote that when it comes to deserving, what really determines this is how you think and feel about what you deserve and this is closely tied to your self-concept and self-esteem. Because of this tie, this definitely has an effect on your overall well-being. However, there is a fine line and it is important to notice the fine line. This fine line is the feeling of entitlement which is the opposite from deserving and it comes from a different place than deserving does. Feeling a sense of entitlement is not beneficial at all to your well-being nor the well-being of others and this is what I will be writing today.

Deserving comes from a place of having a healthy and balanced self-esteem. It comes from knowing that you are a lovable person with so much to offer to this world and that being the unique human being that you are makes you valuable already. Entitlement comes from the ego, it comes from a place of insecurity, from a place of egotism and all this weakens you as a person. How so? There is no way you are in control of yourself when you are letting your ego rule you. I did a Google search on the definition of “entitlement” and I think this definition clues us in to the difference between deserving and entitlement. According to Google “entitlement” means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges and special treatment”. There is your clue-“privileges and special treatment“. You are deserving of good things but it is not healthy to think that you deserve special treatment in comparison to others.

How does feeling entitled hurt your well-being as well as others? Think about this, we are all inherently selfish. This isn’t necessarily bad, but we are that way. We always look at others for what we can get from them. This can be both good and bad, it all depends. Because of this fact, a person that feels entitled may act in ways that are not nice towards others, they may behave as if they are better than others and at the end of the day, who wants to be with someone like that?! This kind of thinking and behaving affects your social well-being.

In this world we are meant to help one another and grow each other. Being a person who feels entitled doesn’t allow you to give much to others because all you can think of is me, me, me. That can cloud you from your sense of purpose. That can prevent you from living a meaningful life because part of having a meaningful life is having a purposeful life. Also, a person who feels entitled doesn’t have much beautiful words to say to others. Even in the most minor way, you do have an effect on others. Why not make that effect a good one?

Entitlement can make you become intolerant of others. How so? Well, when you feel entitlement, because you are coming from a place of me, me, me, you don’t have the empathy to understand others. A perfect example of this is when someone who goes to the restaurant acting as if he/she is the only customer the waiter is serving. A person who feels entitled would be so impatient and even act mean towards the waiter if he/she feels they took long.

Deserving and entitlement….there is a fine line between the two because on the one hand you are deserving of great things in life but it is important to keep that deserving in check so that you don’t cross that line to entitlement. Never think of yourself as better or more deserving than others because that is not so. Other people are just as important as you are regardless of their economic status, of their physical condition, of the ethnicity, etc. If you somehow find yourself crossing that line, for your well-being as well as the well-being of others, get back to knowing that you are deserving and feel grateful for the blessings that you have.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

 

Make Your Own Vows

Today, the day after my birthday, I had a voice inside me advice me of certain things which I know was my intuition and it’s something that I would like to share with you. I feel like sharing this because I think these things that my intuition is advising me are things that we should all be doing on a daily bass. Here it goes…

“Aura, from this day forward, I want you to make several vows because life is too beautiful and awfully short to be focusing on all the things that are not serving you. I want you to make a vow to focus more on yourself. Do more of the things that make you happy. Focus on making yourself happy because that is your main responsibility. Take care of your health no matter what. Focus on those who truly love you and forget those who couldn’t see your value. Let go of those who hurt you and love more those who love you. Let go of your fears. You can’t live on fear since fear paralyzes you. Be more of who you are. And since your relationships mean so much to you, again, let go of those who can’t see your value and focus and love those who do. Make this promise to yourself, please.”

This is the kind of vow that we all need to make to ourselves. To your vows you can add whatever it is that you know you need to work on more in your life. We make vows to our spouse and loved ones but many times we may fail to make that vow to ourselves. I personally know what it’s like to struggle with certain issues and I can tell you that not learning how to deal with them can hinder you from your best. I know what it is like to allow your fear to take over. This stops you from fully growing. I also know what it is like to focus on the wrong things and people. Those that are meant to be in your life will have the capacity to see you exactly for who you are and still stay in your life.

I share this with you because I want to challenge you to make your own vows and to commit to them because committing to your own vows can add tremendously to your well-being. Well-being doesn’t start with anything or anybody else. It starts with you.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Are You Just Living In Your Own Little World?

What a question I ask this week. Perhaps this may seem a little weird and may appear to have nothing to do with well-being nor life but it is not like so. This past week I learned a news that leaves me grieving and it’s the loss of a loved one. Even though we are not related by blood, this family means so much to me because of all they have given to me and because of them, I am who I am and where I am today in life. I had no idea this family that I love so much had so much going on because I had been living in my own little world all this time, losing touch with them.

One of the biggest mistakes we make as human beings is getting so wrapped up in our own little world that we forget that other people also have their own world, filled with things going on. Even if you have a lot going on, it is crucial to your well-being to reach out to others, check up on others and share love. Whether you realize it or not, love is one of the greatest assets you have that you can share with others and the more you share, the more you will have. It is the one thing that I think most of us tend to take for granted and this is one crucial element to one’s well-being and to having a rich life.

It is normal that when you have so much going on to just live in your own little world, preoccupied with all that is going on with you. But I am here to say in today’s post that by living in your own little world, you are missing out on so much that is going on with others. I think with this post I can not stress enough how important it is to also make it a point to contact others, to reach out to others, to let others know how much you love them, how much they mean to you. It doesn’t matter how much you have going on, it doesn’t matter how much you have on your mind, don’t forget to spread some love and thought to others.

“How can I do this Aura when I truly have so much going on with me that I feel I don’t have enough for others?” you may ask. I truly understand that there are moments where it may be hard to even think of reaching out to others because you may truly have so much going on. However, this past week made me realize that by you getting so wrapped up in your own little world, it may just be too late to let someone know how much you love them. By living in your own little world, you disconnect from the world outside of you which is so vast. It is crucial no matter what is going on to share love and thought to others because life indeed is too fragile. We all in some way may have some sort of pain and that pain feels less when we reach out to others so in essence, you reaching out to others is so therapeutic as well. The world is so much more than just ourselves and when we realize that, the way we view life, the way we view others, the way we treat and interact with others will be different for the better.

Life is so much more beautiful when we share with others- share love, share compassion, share understanding, share thoughts. I guarantee you that by reaching out to others, by sharing love with others, by reminding others that they are in your thoughts, you will grow in well-being and happiness.

Your Mindset Is Everything!

I’m sharing this because I bet this happens to many people so I feel the need to share this. I found myself for a couple of days in a funk. Don’t ask me why. All I know is that I found myself feeling down and I was wondering why. Then I found myself feeling physically tired. Then I found myself thinking about “oh how I don’t have this yet”, “oh how this hasn’t happened yet”. I had to come to a point where I had to stop and ask myself why. Then I came to the conclusion that I always knew all along…your mindset is EVERYTHING!

Sure life will sometimes throw things along the way that are not pleasant. Sometimes the things that happen to you can be disappointing and can throw you off but at the end of the day, it is your mindset that truly determines your response and view of the situation. When you focus on what you don’t have or what hasn’t occurred yet, of course you are going to feel bad. And it will just keep going down hill from there. It is to your benefit to get out of that mental state as fast as you can.

Too much thinking and over analyzing what has happened, what didn’t happened, if something will happen, can get you into so much trouble mentally, emotionally and physically. I include the physical because the mind, body and soul are all connected. Although it may be normal to be concerned about certain things but too much worrying about things and being overly concern can get you into a train of thought that will take you to the city of destruction.

What does your mindset have to do with your well-being and with life in general? Everything! Without the proper mindset, you can’t move ahead in life the way you want to move ahead. Without the proper mindset, you can’t be armed with the proper tools to face an unpleasant situation or even a pleasant one for that matter. Without the right mindset, you can’t make the right decisions. You reflect who you are and what you think.

I would like to clarify that it is normal and only human to have your down days. We are after all emotional beings. The key is to not remain for so long in that funk that you are in and realize that your mindset is everything.

When you are in a funk, it is the perfect time to make a list of all the things that you have that are good in your life. Think about all the things you have for which to be grateful. It’s also very important to know that you still have so much good to look forward to. I think many of us forget that at times.

Your mindset is a critical element to your well-being and to having the life that you want. For this reason, it is important to check-in with yourself from time to time and know where you are mentally. And if you are in a funk, now is perfect time to think of all your blessings.