How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

Yesterday I was asked the question how do I manage to still do all the things that I am doing when my dad’s passing is so recent. It is this question that inspires me to write this post.

When one is grieving, it is easy to let yourself go, to not do much, to not care for yourself, to cry all the time and think about all the times spent with the person that passed. It is only normal to feel all this and this feeling is more intense depending on how close you were with the person as well as how long have you known that person. Know that it is important to grieve because repressing this emotion just makes your process long and hard, perhaps even harder than it already is. There is no easy way to handle grief but I can share with you what I think about it and how I handle it.

It’s important to know that the person that passed is always with you, it’s just that they are now with you in a different form. Unfortunately, death is a normal process of life and accepting this is important. Even though I can’t see my father physically, I can still feel him and this in itself provides for me a certain comfort.

In order to handle grief in a way that doesn’t consume your everyday life, it is necessary to give yourself space to feel the grief. You do this by giving yourself what I like to call some “sad time”. What this means is that you give yourself space to feel your emotions, to cry if you have to and you feel this way for a certain amount of time. Once that time is up, you wipe your tears and move on with the day. I do this because it helps me feel better, that way I don’t keep in the sadness of my dad’s passing to myself. This also allows me to be present for work since I am not carrying with me that hurt to work. This is what giving yourself some “sad time” can do. When you deprive yourself of this, you bottle up what you feel and it is only a matter of time for it to spill over to other areas of your life. Also, by not putting a times up on your “sad time”, you allow that sadness to take momentum which then ruins your day. How does it ruin your day? Well, sadness paralyzes you. Sadness makes you lose your center and when that happens, you can’t think with clarity, you can’t make the right choices, etc. This is not what you want. Despite the sadness, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Give your emotions some space but not for too long.

I remember the promise that I made my dad and he asked me not to cry so much for him. I can understand why he said this to me and that’s because he wants his kids and wife to be strong. Sadness, when it is prolonged for too long, weakens you in every way. What keeps a household strong is the strength and I know that just like him, if I ever have kids of my own, I want to encourage my kids to be strong themselves long after I’m gone and I too would encourage them not to cry so much for me.

I know I honor my dad with my strength and courage to move on. I honor him by being the best version of me that I can be because I am an extension of him on this earth. You honor those who pass by your strength and courage to move on and being the best you that you can be. If it’s one of your parents that passed, you are an extension of them on this earth. Be the best extension of them. Make them proud of you. Honor the dreams that you told them you have for yourself. It is this knowing that I am an extension of him that gives me the courage to move on.

There is no easy way to handle grief and there are several stages of grief that unfortunately one must go through the stages. But just know that you honor that person with your strength and courage. Know that they want you to be strong. Know that they want you to be happy. Of course you will miss them, of course you will want to cry because you wish you had them one more time but know that they are always with you even in spirit.

You can read this blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store athttps://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

It’s Little By Little, Day By Day

What inspires me to write this is the fact that my family and I are grieving the passing of my father who passed away this past Friday, May 20th. We know it will take time to accept this fact, to find the conformity in how things happened and to accept that he is no longer with us physically. All that anyone can do in circumstances like this is to remind oneself that it’s little by little, day by day.

It’s little by little, day by day that you will start to accept the fact that whatever that is going on in your life is actually going on in your life. This is because it takes time to process things. It takes time to heal wounds. It takes time to understand things. It takes time to process one’s emotions.

It’s little by little, day by day that you will put the pieces together. When one grieves, of course physically you reflect what you feel and it takes a little at a time and day by day to get back to your old self again. It takes time to be able to find things with the same beauty as you once did. It takes time to understand that it is ok to feel what you feel at the moment that you feel it.

It’s little by little, day by day that you start to realize that the ending of something is just the beginning of something new. The end is never the end and even when a chapter ends, life must go on and so you must go on.

It’s little by little, day by day because nothing is done all at once. You don’t just grow from night to day, you don’t just heal one moment to the next, you don’t get over a grief so quick. It’s ok to grieve because in the grieving you are processing what is going on, you are letting out all that you feel, you are little by little putting your own pieces together in a way that only you can do for yourself.

There are different kinds of grieving and although I’m grieving my dad’s passing, one can grieve their marriage or anything that was so meaningful to them. Grief is grief and no matter what the grief is, it takes little by little, day by day.

 

It’s Only a Matter of Time…

It’s so easy to be impatient when you really want something. Trust me, I know, those close to me know that I can sometimes be so impatient about certain things. However, when we don’t seem to have that which we want so bad, we have to remind ourselves that it’s only a matter of time.

How can you get into that state of reminding yourself that it’s only a matter of time when what you want you want it now? Well, look at where you are now and where you were before. I’m pretty sure that although things pretty much may “look” the same, if you look closely, you have had changes along the way that perhaps were not so noticeable for you. This should tell you that life isn’t always the same and that things are continuously changing and will continue changing. Allow this to give you a sense of hope that things will get better with time. Another way to remind yourself that it’s only a matter of time for you to get what you want is to look for signs from the Universe that you are getting closer to the things you want. This can be that perhaps you met someone who has what you want or is where you want to be. It could be that the last person you dated has most of the qualities that you are looking for in a mate. It could be that you are surrounded by the environment that you desire to be a part of. Life is always giving you signs that what you want will happen and reminding you that it’s only a matter of time.

What does this phrase do to your well-being and how relevant it is to your everyday life? This one phrase, if you allow it, can transform your negative thinking and feeling to one of hope and faith. The feelings of hope and faith shift the way you think which will affect the way you behave. When you are in a state of desperateness, anger, sadness or hopelessness, these feelings don’t allow you to make the right choices which then affects your well-being in negative ways. You choose the wrong person because you think that someone is better than no one or because you don’t think you will find your One. You jump into a decision because you can’t wait for the right thing to arrive. You break relationships that may be beneficial to you because you can’t seem to see things from a positive light and on and on the list goes.

Anytime you feel like you’re about to lose hope because that thing that you want hasn’t arrived yet, remember, it’s only a matter of time. That love that you are waiting for still you don’t see any signs of him/her coming, it’s only a matter of time. That weight that you are trying to lose doesn’t seem to want to come off of you, it’s only a matter of time. No matter what….it’s only a matter of time.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Get Right Back To It!

Today’s post has a lot of meaning to me and I hope it does for you too, which I’m sure for many it will, and this is because have you ever had a moment where you give up on something, you stop doing something that you once enjoyed for whatever reason, or you lost track of something because there is just too much going on in life?! I bet many of you have and so have I but no matter what is going on or how busy you get with life’s stuff, with regards to all the things you love and want, just get right back to it!

I came to the conclusion in the past week up until now that there will never be a perfect time to do anything. That is because there is never a perfect time. The perfect time to do the things that you want and love is now. When you wait for the perfect time, I’m not referring to the right time, but the perfect time, what happens is that there will be another excuse for not being able to do the things that you want to do. So that project that you put aside, get right back to it! That plan that you had to build something for yourself, get right back to it! That dream vacation you wanted, get right back to it!

There are certain projects that sometimes are put aside and because one may have spent so much time putting it off or time away from that project, it is tempting to just give up altogether. So what if that project you just did it half way?! That’s no reason to let go of that project for good, just get right back to it! You were trying to lose weight and you lost some but then you stopped, get right back to it! You were half way to getting your college degree but then you stopped, get right back to it!

What in the world does this phrase has anything to do with your overall well-being?! It has so much to do with your well-being! Part of your well-being is your happiness and part of what contributes to that happiness is achieving what you set your mind and heart to achieve. It is so tempting to stop when you are half way doing something, it is so tempting to give up because you haven’t achieved your goal yet or when you stopped doing something and this is one phrase that I think we all need to incorporate to remind ourselves to never give up no matter what the circumstances may be. Life will always happen and there will always be a time where we may stop doing what we are doing temporarily but then it is a must to get right back to it. No matter what it is that you were doing, if you want it and love it, get right back to it!

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

 

Are You Wasting Your Time?

There are many times when we may not even realize it until it is too late that all we have been doing in life is wasting our time. Sometimes what makes us come to this realization is either a sickness, a disability, a loss of some sort and none of this is necessary for us to come to this realization.

Now, this question that I just asked on the title will have different answers for everyone. That’s because everyone’s definition of living life and enjoying life will be different. What I may find as enjoyment may be different for someone else. So for this reason, you can’t go to anyone else for an answer, you have to look within you.

Even though the answer to this question will be different for everyone, there are some basic things that I think are time wasters for everyone no matter how different we may all be for certain things. Time wasters would be being angry at others, being worried all the time, not working on the relationships that truly matter most, taking those you love for granted, focusing on things that are no longer in your present life or focusing on what could have been but isn’t, being angry with Life for the things that you don’t have in life or for what was taken away from you. All these things are what I call paralyzers because they do just that, they paralyze you. They paralyze you mentally, physically and emotionally. They don’t help you move forward and see all the goodness that you still have. They make you blind. They hinder you from enjoying life.

Being angry at someone else is not hurting the other person, it is hurting you. The other person may not even be aware of what you are feeling but you are and that can make you even more angry because it does hurt to know that you care while the other person doesn’t. Depending on what it is that made you angry, that anger may be easy to let go or not. Whatever it is that made you angry, know that by continuing to feel this way, the only person who are hurting is yourself. There are times when other people may not even mean to harm us and so this is another reason why it is not worth getting so angry. As my very good friend Dawn reminded me over and over, no one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow them.

Being worried all the time is just paralyzing in every aspect. It paralyzes you mentally because the worry that you feel can stop you from thinking of making the right decision. It paralyzes you physically because the worry can make you not want to take any action. We usually worry about something that hasn’t happened yet and this stops us from living the present moment. If you want to be able to look at your past and think of it with good thoughts and feelings, then you must enjoy this moment because this moment will be past. Besides, worry just attracts more of the things that you are worried about.

One of the things that matters so much in life is the relationships we have in our life. Not cultivating them is, to me, equivalent to not saving money and the reason for this is because whether you realize it or not, the relationships that you have with others are an investment. What you give to others is what you get back. Family is one thing we tend to take for granted and think about this, when you are in your down moments, it isn’t a job or strangers who will be there for you, it is your family and close friends so make time for those you love and love you.

I can tell you that focusing on what no longer was in my present paralyzed me for a bit and made me waste my time by not looking forward. That is what focusing on what could have been but isn’t, focusing on what you no longer have and what you feel Life has taken away from you do to you, it keeps you from looking forward. I know it can be challenging at times but it is a must to look forward to more goodness in life. Part of life is transitioning from one stage of life to the next and we must embrace this if we are to be happy.

So now I challenge you to think whether or not you are wasting your time. This simple question can transform the way your life is right now if there is any part of it that you are not happy with and can add more well-being to you.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at http://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Now Is YOUR Time!

There are moments in life when we feel like life has become stagnant, or we are going backwards or we start to lose hope. If there is something that I have learned is that even in challenging times when we feel life has become stagnant or we are going backwards, it’s actually the opposite. These are the moments where you can actually have a revelation! These are the moments full of growth! These are the moments where you can see what you are made of!

I’m a believer that every moment is your time and in these hard times it is especially your time. Besides, having a negative perspective on your life and future doesn’t do you nor others any good. I know this is easier said than done and I know this firsthand because just like everyone else, I too have had times of hardship and felt like things are not going the way I wanted, etc, etc. I can tell you , though, that this thought pattern took me nowhere. Because of my thoughts, emotionally I was just spiraling down to the point that all that I was thinking and feeling was manifesting physically. When I decided to change my thoughts, I noticed my emotions changing and what was physically manifesting was changing as well.  I started by feeling grateful for all the “small” stuff, as my soul friend, Dawn Tomlinson, reminded me to do. I stated feeling grateful for the moment, even if the moment may suck. I was grateful for feeding myself, for being able to spend time with family, for having a job, for having health, for everything. Then I was thinking and asking myself “what do I have to learn from all this?”. Then I  reminded myself this is my time. Just like I do this to myself, I’m here to say this is YOUR time! This is your time to flourish, your time to grow, your time to be your best, your time to have and be all you want to be! When you claim this as your time, you will feel strong inside, strength inside you and you will find that wisdom and peace you are searching.

Claiming this moment as your time is very empowering and this feeling is felt in every cell of your body. You nourish your body with health and wellbeing when you start to view this moment as your time, everything to your benefit. Part of wellbeing is having a balance in your mental and emotional state. This is one way of achieving that balance by learning to claim every moment as your moment and growing from it. I challenge you to claim this very instant as YOUR time no matter how much it may feel bad for you. I guarantee you perhaps not now, perhaps not tomorrow, but if you are persistent in claiming every moment as your time that you will FEEL the difference in your mind and body and you will SEE the difference in your life.