The Ingredients For Healthy Relationships

I had a conversation a few days ago with a good friend of mine and we were talking about what makes a healthy relationship. It seems as though nowadays there is so much confusion about how one needs to be, how to properly communicate and there is so many question marks on people’s mind and all this is so unnecessary. So today’s post will be about the ingredients for healthy relationships because relationships do play an important role on our well-being.

You need healthy relationships and this includes your relationship with your family and friends and in romantic relationships. All the ingredients discussed in this post apply to all kinds of relationships.

First ingredient is maturity. It takes maturity to have a healthy relationship. Before I write what I mean with “maturity”, I will first write what teenagers do that adults should be way passed that stage. Teenagers or people who are not mature enough just text important discussions. This is a big no no because so much can be misunderstood through texts. Texting important discussions is a way to avoid what is going on and only teenagers or immature people do that. Mature people have either face to face or over the phone discussions. Why? Because it is important to confront situations head on in order to gain clarity and avoid hard feelings. Teenagers and immature people blame rather than understand their role in the situation. It takes maturity to admit that you too played a role in what happened in a situation and to take ownership for how the relationship goes. So what I mean with maturity is that one puts aside childish ways in order to be a grown adult. You can’t have healthy relationships with childish ways.

Second ingredient is communication. Healthy relationships require effective communication. This includes saying how one feels and listening to the other person. When I write “listen”, I don’t mean “hear”. Hearing is the mechanical aspect of what the ears do. Listening requires you to put aside what you are feeling and thinking and try to understand what the other person is saying so you can understand where they are coming from. It’s important to state clearly how you feel and what your intentions are. It’s important to be straight forward. It’s important as we get older to always make it a goal to be better in communication.

Third ingredient is honesty. Healthy relationships require that both parties are first and foremost honest with themselves and then with others. Honesty may not always be easy. It’s easy to want to lie to oneself for whatever the reason may be, either because of fear of the outcome, beliefs that we have told ourselves, etc. For two people to be on the same page, it is a must to first be honest with yourself and then with others. You deserve your own honesty and others deserve your honesty as well. Many friendships and relationships are severed because of this.

Fourth ingredient is confrontation. Healthy relationships confront with one another. It is unfortunate that the word “confrontation” has such a negative connotation but the reality is that how are two people supposed to be on the same page if they don’t confront?! Confrontation simply means two or more people coming together to discuss something. This requires maturity which is why I listed maturity as the first ingredient.

I’m sure there are more things that are required in order to have healthy relationships but for the sake of this blog, I am only including four of the ingredients that I consider to be the main ingredients for a healthy relationship.

If there is any relationship that you care about that you feel is not as healthy as you need it to be, I would like to encourage you to consider if any of these ingredients mentioned in today’s post is lacking and do your part to include this into that relationship. It takes all parties involved to make a healthy relationship, this means that this includes you.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Things That Held You Back

Some people may look back and realize that there were several things that held them back. Perhaps those things were the people around them, perhaps their environment, their childhood, their limiting beliefs, etc. and for some, the very thought of these things holding them back keeps holding them back.

The one thing you can never recuperate is time. Once time is gone, it’s gone. However, you still have more time ahead of you. The longer you keep looking back at the things that held you back, the more held back you will be. The things that once held you back don’t need to continue holding you back.

If you are held back for whatever reason, I want you to seriously consider the fact that perhaps it is you who is holding you back. Why do I dare you to consider this? Because the reality is that you can NOT control what others do. You can NOT control how others think. NO ONE has power over you. NO ONE can define you. NO ONE, unless you grant them permission, can do anything in your life.

I want to briefly discuss about childhood and this is one that is difficult to talk about since I know for some there were probably serious childhood issues. Once you become an adult, YOU have the choice as to whether or not you are going to continue to allow what happened to you to affect you. If you realize that the issues are too deep that you can’t handle them alone, then go seek a therapist or a psychologist. Get the help you need but don’t continue to allow your past to affect you in negative ways.

I want to briefly discuss limiting beliefs. It is a must to find the source of the limiting beliefs. You may be surprised to learn that the limiting belief you may have is someone else’s beliefs and you just internalized it as your own belief. It is important to challenge your beliefs if you are to grow into the person that you are meant to be.

I want to briefly discuss your environment. You don’t have to be your environment. If your environment isn’t congruent with the person that you are, that doesn’t mean that who you really are is wrong. Just like not all trees can grow in the same environment, we all can’t grow in the same environment. Know that you are much more than your environment if your environment is not a reflection of you. Also know that just because you are not like your environment, that doesn’t make you wrong. That just means that you are you and that’s it. There is nothing wrong with that.

The last thing I want to briefly discuss is people. What people think or say about you is none of your business. Your business is YOU and that’s it. Once again, you can’t control what other people do. You can’t control how other people think. People can only hold you back if you allow them to hold you back. Also people’s complexes and criticisms are non of your business. What other people decide to do with their life you can not control. The only person you can control is yourself so start to control yourself so that you can have the life that you want.

It is a must to control your thoughts, your emotions, your decisions, your actions and what you allow in your life. Remember that nothing needs to hold you back unless you ALLOW it to hold you back. This is the key word- allow. Remember that you are the only one who can allow things to hold you back.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

 

Organization Is a Must For Your Well-being

Try writing speeches, blogs, working on several projects at once among other things and on top of that being jet lagged and what do you get? Overwhelm! That’s what you get. This has been me lately, I confess. As human beings there is only so much that we can do and although we are capable of so much, we must be realistic about our time and energy. I’ve written this before and I’ll write it again. I came to the realization in such a hard way that organization is a must for your well-being.

Being organized helps avoid overwhelm. It is ok to want to do more but you must be organized with what you have to do. So I would like to encourage you to find a way that works for you. Now, this may take time because you may have to try different things before you find what works for you but if you haven’t found a way, don’t give up. Things do take time to adjust and it does take time to find a way that works but trust that you will find that way.

Being organized is what will allow you to get as much done as possible. It is a must to be organized with your time, your energy and your resources. This means that if you are doing one thing, just focus for some time on that one thing before you start doing another thing. For that time slot, you focus your energy as well on that one thing. Focusing your energy on several things at once will not allow you to get anything done.

Being organized allows you to prioritize. It is important to organize yourself mentally in terms of knowing what goes first. Determine what is one thing that if you can get that thing done, it would resolve other things as well. Whatever that is, do that first and once that is done, then work on the next thing.

Being organized diminishes your stress. This doesn’t mean that it will eliminate your stress, I don’t think stress was meant to be eliminated completely since it does serve a purpose but being organized certainly can help decrease it.  Place things in one spot and place it there always, that way you will know where to find it. Have your documents of the same subject stacked together where you can find it. Be organized in your own space so you can feel like you can breathe. Pick out the clothing you will wear the day before. Make sure you leave your house with enough time so that way you are not rushing to get to wherever it is that you have to go. All this is part of being organized.

The reason why I mention being organized in this post is because many of our stresses does come from the fact that we are not organized in our life. We are not organized with our thoughts, our time, our space, our projects, etc. and when this is the case, we actually add unnecessary stress. The more organized you are, the more you accomplish, the better you feel and you can enjoy life more. If you are not organized in an area of your life, I encourage you to do so now for your own well-being.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

 

The Different Ways of Being Healthy

I think we all know it’s important to be physically healthy. This is the most visible part of us, making it obvious the kind of lifestyle we have. For as much as taking care of our physical body is important, there are other ways to be healthy that are equally important if not even more since when these parts of us are not healthy, the physical body will suffer as well. It is important to be healthy mentally and emotionally and this is what this post will be about.

First I would like to discuss how can you know when you are not healthy mentally and emotionally. One of the most simple ways is by looking around you. Does your life reflect what you deserve? What kind of relationships do you have with others? What kind of relationship do you have with yourself? Do you have any kind of destructive, unhealthy relationship in your life? How are you feeling most of the time? All these questions are indicators as to how is your mental and emotional state.

In other words, if you block out your own happiness, if you are living in fear, if you are being pessimistic, if you push away good things or people, if you live in the past and it is a hurtful past, if you allow negativity, then you are unhealthy mentally and emotionally.

What many may not realize is that for as much as one may want to put a band-aid on a huge wound or ignore the real problems in their life, one can NEVER reach full happiness. Full happiness comes from dealing with your issues when your issues are preventing good in your life. Yes, it is hard to open that luggage and go through everything and throw away what is not serving you but that’s when you have to ask yourself if it’s serving you to carry such a heavy luggage to begin with.

What does it mean to be healthy mentally and emotionally? It means to feel good about yourself and your life, to accept abundance, to accept and let in happiness, to know you are deserving, to know that you deserve to be loved right by others, to allow people who help you grow and who truly love you. It is mentally having the capacity to do away with things, situations and people who don’t serve you. It is being able to not stress what doesn’t matter. It is being able to focus more on the positive than the negative. It is doing whatever possible to develop mental and emotional agility in order to bounce right back from any disappointment. Being emotionally healthy is being able to love yourself even when others may not love you, forgiving yourself for your own mistakes and being able to accept yourself even when others may not accept you. It is you loving yourself more than anyone else. This act of love is a must since it is this kind of love that will prevent you from allowing situations, things or people who don’t make you feel good.

Being physically healthy indeed is very important but one can not forget how extremely important it is to be healthy also mentally and emotionally. When mentally and emotionally you are not right, there is no way to be right physically as well since all three parts are connected. If you feel your life isn’t the way you want it to be, I encourage you to look into these two parts of you and if you need intervention, by all means go see a psychologist or therapist. This is an investment that you are making in yourself and you are worth the investment. Your mind and emotions are assets to be taking care of, so make sure you do what you can to have these parts of you healthy.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Lifetime-Wellness-Aura-Martinez/dp/1458220885/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490999433&sr=8-1&keywords=creating+a+lifetime+of+wellness or on Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/creating-a-lifetime-of-wellness-aura-e-martinez/1126001153?ean=9781458220882.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

Are You Failing Your Courses?

Have you ever noticed that you get the same experience over and over again, just with different people or even different circumstances? Sometimes these experiences are not even pleasant experiences. In situations like these, it is easy to believe that one may be cursed or just have bad luck or perhaps one is a magnet to those things. Have you ever considered that most likely this is occurring because you are actually failing your courses?

Yes, many times we fail many courses- the courses of life. You will forever be a student in the school called Life where every person you meet, every experience, every disappointment, every failure are your teachers. Many of them are great teachers, it’s just a matter of perspective.

I learned the hard way that indeed people do reflect the way we feel about ourselves. How so? Well, if you meet someone who mistreats you and you allow it, that person is teaching you that you need to learn to love yourself. The key phrase in the previous sentence is “you allow it”. This is because you don’t have to be a bad person for bad people to come into your life. Whether you have a good heart or not, you may encounter some people who are not nice, this is not a reflection of you at all. What DOES become a reflection of you is when you ALLOW them to treat you in a way you don’t deserve.

A bad experience can be a huge blessing and a preparation for bigger things that are yet to come. If an experience didn’t go the way you expected or hoped, you learning to see what went wrong and what you could have done different can help you understand what to do better the next time. When you think about what went wrong and what you could have done different, it is important that you do this without any judgement towards yourself. This is important because otherwise analyzing what went wrong and what you could have done differently can backfire you. It backfires you because you end up being hard on yourself.

A disappoint can be a real eye opener. It’s awful to go on in life with blindfolds on, not seeing what is in front of you. A disappointment prepares you for a bigger task and a bigger responsibility that may lie ahead. This is why disappointments can be true blessings.

A person you meet can teach you something you needed to learn or they can tell you something you needed to hear. Even someone that gets you on your nerves is teaching you something whether that be patience, how to mold yourself, teaching you to become more tough, etc. So learn to view even those you can’t stand as blessings because they too serve a purpose in your life. That is part of developing that mental and emotional agility that you need in life.

A failure shows you what went wrong and what to do differently next time. Failures are nothing to be ashamed of since they are a necessary component to life. Without it, you can’t learn to be humble, you don’t learn different ways of thinking or doing things and you just can’t grow as a person.

Once you learn a lesson, you will notice that life will test you to see if you passed the test. How do these tests look like? Well, the same situation will most likely come back again and that is the time to show what you have learned. Once you pass the test, you will notice that you won’t be repeating the same people nor scenario because you truly have learned your lesson.

You will always be given lessons and well, if you don’t learn the lesson right and pass the test, you will just be repeating the same course, over and over again with different people, different circumstances but the result is the same. So I encourage you to think about the following: what is one lesson that you are being pushed to learn? Are you meeting the same kinds of people over and over again? If so, what are you meant to learn? In what ways do you still have to grow? I guarantee you that if you master the lesson and pass the test, you won’t find yourself repeating courses.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Interesting Concept of “Breadcrumbing”

I have been hearing and reading lately about the concept of breadcrumbing. For those who don’t know this concept, what this basically means is the act of a person just texting you without any commitment, no phone calls and not seeing each other in person just to keep you hanging. Now, this refers more to dating but when I think about this concept, I would dare to say this is also seen in other relationships that are not only romantic. We are starting to see this concept spill over to friendships as well. Because relationships are at the core of one’s well-being, I will be discussing how detrimental this is when you allow this into your life.

Relationships are necessary for our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health. Without healthy relationships- let me put some emphasis on “healthy” because this is key- you will literally die while living in the sense that it is love that nurtures us. Healthy love. Once again, the key word is “healthy”.

So what does a healthy relationship look like? Healthy relationships are corresponded, meaning that you both want each other in your life, you both want each other’s company, you both reciprocate affection and effort. Let me repeat, you both reciprocate effort. What I mean with “effort” is that you both take the time to see each other, hang out, get to know each other and hear from each other. When I write “relationships”, I am not referring just to romantic relationships, I include ALL relationships- family and friends as well.

How does a healthy relationship feel like? It feels peaceful, joyous, happy, exciting, comfortable and safe. With “safe” I mean that you feel you can be yourself with the person. If you ever feel like you need to walk on egg shells, you have to hide a certain side of you, uncomfortable or you are wondering whether the other person feels the same way as you, that is not healthy. It’s not healthy because anything that makes you wonder or feel like you can’t be yourself creates doubt within you. Those who belong in your life will NOT make you feel doubtful about yourself.

When you allow someone in your life who only wants to text you, not see you when they can, shows no effort to make you a part of their life, that can hurt your self-concept. It can make you feel unappreciated and unloved because all they are offering you are breadcrumbs.

Breadcrumbs are not healthy at all. They are void of nutrition, apart from the fact that they are not filling. So when someone is only texting you and not taking the time to see you and get to know you, you are missing nutrients such as love, appreciation, acceptance, feeling and being included in their life. All these are nutrients that we need in order to feel and be good. Remember that as human beings we have a need to be needed and loved.

You do NOT deserve breadcrumbs! You deserve and NEED the full meal with the appetizers, the entree, the dessert and all that comes with a healthy, fulfilling meal! Remember that! Breadcrumbs are NEVER satisfying. When all you are accepting are breadcrumbs, you seriously need to question how you feel about yourself. You need to question what do you want out of that other person. You need to ask yourself what do you need. If a “friend” is only offering breadcrumbs, consider that an acquaintance, not a friend. Friendships are like a healthy meal- they are full and satisfying. If you don’t feel that way, it’s time to do some clean up when it comes to your social well-being. If a date is doing that with you, get rid of that s&%$ and move on! What that person is offering you has nothing to do with your value and all to do with what that person can offer which is NOTHING.

Breadcrumbing….it’s important to understand this concept so that you can know when someone is doing this to you. This is something to avoid accepting if you truly want great well-being. Remember, healthy meals are filling. Breadcrumbs….they are not filling at all!

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.

The Importance of Saying “No”

You probably wouldn’t think that this has much to do with your well-being, however, “no” should be a part of your vocabulary in order to increase your well-being and this is what I will be discussing in this week’s post.

There is a Spanish saying that goes “Quien mucho abarca, poco aprieta” which means that if you try to get your arms around too much, you won’t be able to squeeze. In other words, if you try to do so much, you will get none done. There is only so much that anyone can do and the more you want, not only do you have to take breaks and stop for a moment, you have to say “no” to some things that can come your way.

Stress should be reserve for real emergencies- when a family member is ill, when you are ill, when there is an accident, etc.- not for every day stuff of life. Stressing because you are taking up on so much will only lead to illness and to frustration. It will take you out of alignment and won’t help you think straight.

I’ve written this before and I’ll write it again, it’s great to have goals, it’s great to want so much out of life. However, you don’t ever want to take yourself to the point where you break down. That does no good to anyone.

Saying “no” is about setting priorities. In order to achieve much, you need to set priorities first and then once those tasks are completed, move on to the next task. It’s not that certain things are not important to you, it’s just that in order for you to be able to complete that other project successfully, you first must complete the one you have at hand. Also, you must know what would make the most difference now and work on that first. This is another way to get more done- knowing what would make the most difference in your life if that task was completed.

Saying “no” is about setting your own boundaries. You set boundaries for yourself and for others. Your well-being must be a priority, first and foremost, and so when you say “no” to certain things, you are avoiding getting yourself into things that at the end will just drive you mentally crazy because it’s too much to do and physically exhausted because having so much to do does wear the body down.

Make saying “no” a part of your vocabulary. This is about you taking care of yourself, not taking on too much stuff than you can possibly handle at the moment and setting boundaries. Others may have their opinions in regards to your “no” and that’s ok. At the end of the day, it’s how you feel that matters most and you never want to take yourself to the point of a breakdown.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at https://www.amazon.com/Live-MaxTM-Viva-al-m%C3%A1ximoTM/dp/B00NK1JOJ4 and you can listen to my online radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez.